Birthday and Separated M not here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Birthday and Separated M not here
5
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 8:55pm
I'm so upset/angry and bummed today, it's my birthday and (Separated man) he had planned a birthday party for me with some of my friends about 10 people at this expensive restaurant tonight, but he cancelled because he has to eat dinner with his mom, 4yr old son, and on top of that, his mom invited his wife. And the other thing is, it's at the same restaurant too. I feel so bummed because it's like he just pushed me aside on my birthday to eat dinner with his family.

I know I shouldn't have expectations or to fall in love with him, but he keeps telling me he's going to get divorced soon...and I ask when and he's like in 1-2 years. I don't know if I should belive him and if he's leading me on. I'm so confused. He keeps telling me he wants to be serious and committed and it's not an affair and I'm not the Other Woman. He says he doesn't see his ex except when his son is involved. And he says I'm not patient...but I've fallen for him and I'm going nuts. I don't want to sneak around, I just want a regular relationship. But then on the other hand, I'm not sure if I can handle a regular relationship w/ him because he has to watch son 2 weeks a month and ex is still involved and will be if they divorce. There's alot of problems and issues.

And I don't feel like I'm top priority. He says I'm greedy, selfish, and not understanding of his situation, but it's my birthday party. Now I have no plans, but at least I'm with my parents. And I haven't met his son. Do you think I'm expecting too much and getting my hopes up? Should I move on?

This relationship stresses me out and I feel so bummed. I think I really want a regular relationship. It's been a year together, originally I was going to just have a 1-2 month fling, but I guess I've fallen. He's not the type I imagine being married to, and tackling being stepmom and other issues isn't something I have in mind (I'm in my twenties) and he's forty something. My parents/friends my age wouldn't approve. I love him, I want more time together...yet sometimes I want to leave, I'm so confused. What to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sat, 11-22-2003 - 11:06pm
I'm eating dinner with my parents, they made me a nice dinner but I am so bummed. The phone ranged and I thought it was him, but no such luck. He's eating dinner at that fancy restaurant now and I can imagine him sitting next to his wife and son on my birthday and I'm making myself sick by thinking too much. Maybe I'll take some tylenol or something and go to sleep early.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 12:30am
Happy Birthday!!!

I hope by something you mean asprine!!!

No one but no one is so important that you need to take anything, I hope I'm over reacting by this post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 1:34am
I'm crying my heart out now, dinner is over and he didn't even call to wish me happy birthday. How cruel is that? I can't believe it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2003
Sun, 11-23-2003 - 4:18am
He's playin you, dump him and find someone single closer to your age who you can have a real relationship with. He probably lied about taking you out for a party in the first place and never intended to follow through with it. For your own sake don't let some married man get you so down, there are a lot of single men out there who would treat you like you deserve to be treated. A nice single guy in his twenties would keep you up all night celebrating, not leave you sitting at home disappointed while he's at dinner with his wife and family.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-24-2003 - 12:57pm
hey ikel - girl, don't let that MM play you and get you down! i agree with girlnextdoor - it was my feeling too from your first post that MM just told you about having the party at the same restaurant as a way to bind you closer to him, but in reality, he knew he'd have to "cancel" with you because of family obligations.

if he really wanted to be with you on your birthday night, he would have rearranged the family dinner to another night and still have celebrated with you! but he didn't, plus he didn't even call you - how hard is it to excuse yourself for 5 minutes to make an important call, or even he to the restroom and do it!!

you are soooo young, and i'll bet pretty and fun, too. MM's a player and not worth your time and effort. keep your self-respect, DO NOT CONTACT MM! go out with friends, date, do stuff. don't sit home, with a headache, and go to bed early. get out there and party!! like it's your birthday!!

good luck, honey,

gurl