Yada, Yada, Yada
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| Sun, 11-23-2003 - 5:55pm |
When we first met, he was well on his way to a divorce. They were separated and barely speaking to each other. For crying out loud, he even bought his own house and moved out (that was even before we met). So I began seeing him while (at least I think that I am right) he was pretty much single and free to date whomever. So my dumbass falls in love with him, and we are spending all of our time together, and then poof! The wife finds out he's happy with someone else, someone much younger, and she says that she's changed her mind and that she wants to try and make it work out. I knew from the beginning that the idea of breaking up his family devastated him, and to be honest, I actually encouraged him to try to make it work out with his wife if the opportunity arose. So they have been going to marriage counseling but he's still living at his new house and she's still at her house. Meanwhile, I can't seem to pull myself away from him, even though all of the circumstances surrounding our relationship have changed. He goes on trips with his wife and spends time with her, and he won't even take me out to dinner out of fear that someone will see us and tell his kids or the wife.
I have tried to be as gracious as possible... His wife had the gall to call me up and ask me to return the jewelry he had given me for my birthday, which was pretty expensive (about 3K). Even though I loved my gift and I had never owned anything that beautiful in my entire life, I decided to return them, except instead of giving them to him, I gave them to her with the stipulation that she return them to my MM and explain to him that she had asked me to return them. Her request came six months after she thought our relationship ended. She thinks that I don't see him anymore, but I do, so of course I told him what she had asked of me. I returned my gift to HER almost 5 months ago, and she still hasn't returned them to my MM! And yet he keeps on going on with her, knowing that she hasn't told him yet. I am not the gold-digging type or anything like that, but I really loved that gift, and I hoped that years from now, I would be able to open up that velvet box and remember the man who made me feel alive for the first time in my life. His wife totally stole that from me and I am really upset by it.
Anyways, I am sorry to rant and rave but I think I just reached my breaking point today. I didn't sign up to be the other woman, but if that is what I have become, its no one's fault but my own. I can always leave him. I just don't. So am I THE OTHER WOMAN? And what do you all think is going on here? Am I destined to get the shaft (and not in a good way) if I continue on with this?

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Wow! Tough situation. I don't really have a lot of advice as I don't have a lot of experience. If he is not telling W that he is still seeing you, then yes, that probably makes you the OW. The gift...that's even tougher. I probably wouldn't have given it back to her. If you were going to give it back, give it to him, but that's water under the bridge. I'm kinda a bitch, so I'd confront W. But that's me...probably not the best thing to do, but that would make me very angry.
Good luck to you
Haunted
Thanks for the input. At the time that the wife requested that I return the jewelry, my MM and I were trying not to see each other due to something else that happened (my story is convuluted enough as it is, but let's just say that my previous post was just the tip of the proverbial iceberg). When she wanted me to give back the gift, I was trying to be polite, but I thought that if she had to return it to her husband and explain, that she would be forced to admit that she has been lying to him about a number of other things regardng me. When she contacted me about the gift, she informed me that she had been sleeping with my MM the entire time we had been dating (and she wasn't that nice about it; she was more condensending). She would tell my MM that I called her or that I emailed her when the reality was that she was the one contacting me and I was polite enough to answer her inquiries about my relationship with her husband. I always told my MM about these points of contact immediately after they occured. Then she would come along and say that I was the one instigating contact. Fortunately my MM trusts me and believes me, but I still think that her behavior is WAY bizarre.
Anyway, part of me wants to throw in the towel, but another, larger part of me enjoys our relationship way too much to just walk away. I know that this is typical and obviously no one has a magic cure (if they did, none of us would be here!) but it helps soooo much to finally vent it all out! ARGHHHHH! Thank you for listening.
She sounds like a real winner and I wouldn't be surprised if they don't end up
apart again anyway....... don't give up hope...... It's not over yet IMO
but about the jewelry.... I would have never given to her....if he asked for it that
would be different and also how the hell did she know about it in the first place??
To sum it up...I wouldn't have given that jewelry back to either of them NO HOW, NO WAY! It was a gift and the simple fact that you returned it to his wife is proof that you are far from a "gold digger". IMHO what happened is he told her about the jewerly and she told him he had to ask for it back and he was too much of coward to ask you for it so she came to get it...that's just what I think happened.
I think that he's definately made you the other woman by continuing your A while he's "working on his marriage". Do you really wanna sit on the side line and play second-string? By staying involved with him he will never make a secure and firm decision about whether to stay or leave his marriage...and no matter what you do or say you'll always end up the bad ass...
*hugs*
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
and yes, MM has made you THE OTHER WOMAN!. you didn't go into the R that way, but he has changed all the rules (with your encouragement i might add). so now he gets his cake (the W) and eats it too (YOU!).
first, you need to figure out if you want to put forth much more headaches, heartaches and efforts to be with this man, just to get a little bit of attention (and some sex) back from him. if the answer is "yes" then you have to tell him to choose now - either go back to the M and his W, or be with you. take some control back in this situation and stand up for yourself. keep your self-respect and take a step or two away to think this out. only YOU can decide what is best for you!
good luck,
gurl
you are too funny when you're in a bad mood.
gurl
Why did you encourage them to get back together? You don't mind if they got back together? Why, why,... I wouldn't have done that. I would be like you better not talk to her that much, I don't like it. Oh well, I guess you can either wait to see if they can get back together permanently or asking him to pick one. If it were me, if my separated M did this to me, I would be out the door. I'm jealous when he eats dinner with his parents and they invite the wife hoping to make things work between them, since the parent's don't know about me, so if he tells me he's going back to her, I would tell him to BUG OFF (hehe). I'm not really in a good mood either.
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