I can't believe I'm here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
I can't believe I'm here
3
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 12:19am
I want to start off by saying that I have not had an affair, but I can certainly understand how and why people do. I am in a situation that I don't know how to handle.

First off, my H and I have been together for over 5 years, but we've only been married for 6 months. I love him and am very happy with him. We are compatible in every way (including sexually) and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I hate the thought of doing anything to jeopardize that, but...

There's a guy I work with who I have known for several years. We have always been "flirty" with each other, but for some reason the tone of our interaction seems to have changed lately. I find myself making up excuses to go see him during the day, dressing nicer because I know I'll see him, and staying late after work to talk to him. He's a very flirty and touchy-feely kind of guy, and for awhile I had myself convinced there may be something there. Then I had myself convinced that there wasn't - he's like that with a lot of people. However, some of the comments he has made lately have led me to think I might be in for more than I bargained for. He made the statement recently that I could get him in a whole lot of trouble. I know it may not seem like much, but given the way things have been lately I'm pretty sure I know what he means. (I should add that he is married to, as well as quite a bit older than me. I'm in my early 30's, he's in his late 40's).

I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to do anything to hurt my marriage, but I also don't think I want to give this up quite yet. Right now I guess it's harmless, but I don't know if it's going to stay that way. And I'm not so sure that I want it to stay that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 2:07am
If you're really happy in your marriage and you're sure you want to spend the rest of your life with your H then I don't think you should pursue a new relationship. Wanting to be desired is totally normal, but taking a chance on someone that may not really be there for you can be so hard. If you have something wonderful to go home to it's probably best to keep it that way. You are a truly lucky woman.

Whatever you decide, good luck to you.

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 2:20am
Oh, be careful.

i believe A's are like pregnancies, no two are ever the same.

i also believe A's are like chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, once you get it in your head, it's damn near impossible to "pass".

Just be careful. They seem so, so simple, and end up (sometimes) so, so complicated.

All that being said, most of us would probably do it alllll over again, if we ever had to start over.

Good luck. only you can figure out what you want.

jen

Avatar for stillwingy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 10:52am
Why not make yourself take a break from this guy- it's infatuation. What you have with your H is love. Give yourself a solid week of avoiding this other guy and fill the time by showering more affection on your H. If you are tempted to see him email or call your H instead and make a comittment to be out of the office early everyday. After a week you can reevaluate everything in a clearer mind- right now it's all clouded with those early feelings of being desired by someone else and the possibilities of new firsts. Think about whether or not that is really worth sacrificing your marriage for- A's seem so much fun in the beginning- you are caught up in the emotions and fantasy. Later on it is anything but. Good luck to you.