How my life has changed...

Avatar for poohbear_ut
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
How my life has changed...
9
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 6:09pm
First,

I am an oldie around here, and more or less retired from this board. I used to be a member of the great Nina's Cafe, but since I am no longer in an affair and my beliefs in what an affair are greatly differ I was removed.

I am no longer in affiar, because I was never in an affair. We were two people who were great friends, that finally got the courage to meet and over 5 months fell in love with each other. My "affair" is now my love. We share the same roof, sleep in the same bed and we are expecting our first child. Imagine that!!

I read the scary statistics on how most affair marriages end, that second marriages are as hard as the first, blah blah blah. Girls ask yourselves these questions..

1. Why are you doing what you are doing?

2. Are you truly happy in your life?

3. Can you live without that person?

4. Is it just sex?

5. Is it more than sex?

6. Would you leave your husband or wife (if there are any quys left on the board) for the other person?

7. What do you expect from your relationship in a month, year or even 5? Do you think it is something that will last?

8. Can you keep that secret forever?

I know that I answered all of those questions a very long time ago. I know how hard it is to be the other women. I know what it's like to have his body in my bed and for him to have to get up in the middle of the night to go home.

I slept under the same roof as him and his wife for 2 months, NOW THAT's A TEST!

He posted on here once, to tell everyone just how much he loved me. He is a strong man, and we are a very strong couple.

Girls, to get through the holidays which seem to be the hardest, get a journal and write! Write him an email and tell him how much you miss him, write yourself an email with all of your thoughts and feelings about being apart on these days. I filled 2 note books over the course of a year with my thoughts, feelings, and love for my honey. It helps, it helps you vent, it helps the fears and the time go by. Of course if your married, or have children its hard to find sometime to yourself in private to do this, but try. It helps!!

Hang in there, be strong, and use this time with your family to reflect on your life and what is ahead of you.

Love always,

Pooh

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Tue, 11-25-2003 - 7:27pm
I so agree with the journal idea...I have always kept a journal...in my earlier years, it was the fancy kind, then I moved into just the spiral notebooks, and now I just use a floppy and my computer...my journal has been my sounding board, my shoulder to cry on and the one I share my most happiest and saddest moments...no one in my life knows about my affair and I really have no place to go to when I need to talk...sure I post here, but there is only so much I feel I can put on the board for fear of someone recognizing the details...I would be completely lost without my journal...I just hope it is enough to get me through the holidays...only time will tell!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Wed, 11-26-2003 - 10:19am
Pooh,

Welcome back! You are living my dream!! It so nice and refreshing to hear a sucess story here. I am so glad that you found the happiness and love in your life. So, do you know if you having a girl or a boy? :)

Journaling is a good idea. I have been doing it for some time years now. I am not an avid journalist, but I do write whenever I feel like putting my thoughts down. Thanks for the happy post.

Juliet

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2003
Fri, 11-28-2003 - 7:58pm
I have read this message over and over again and i am not sure if it has good intentions or not.

Not sure if was genuine or sarcastic. I answered the questions and now what?

And about the journal? Yah good idea, wish i could but i make it a point not to leave any evidence that i am in an A.

Avatar for poohbear_ut
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 11-30-2003 - 10:13am
I know it was hard to tell what that message really meant, it indeed had good and bad intentions. First the questions were for the girls that weren't sure what the heck they were doing. Second to tell you that if you are sure that this is what you want and you were willing to sacrifice the things that you love in your life, then they do work out.

I do not know the sex of the baby yet, as we just found out and I'm only about 5 weeks along.

I wish I knew who you were slug sister!! I know that everyone here has changed thier names due to the scarleta stuff that happens. No worries though. A slug is a slug! Love yah!

Have a great day and yes fairytales do come true!

Love

Pooh

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 11-30-2003 - 11:37pm
Are slug sisters petite?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 9:27am
Thanks for your post again. It makes a lot of sense what you are trying to say. Good Luck with the baby!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 12:05pm
It is nice to hear of that "Fairy Tale Ending". Hopefully by spring I will be living my very own Fairy Tale too!! We are just waiting for his W (she has said she is soon) to leave and then I can leave H.

Glad things worked out so well for you. Congrats on the baby.

H

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 12:57pm
Hi Pooh, Here are my answers and my input to your post.

1) I am having fun:)

2) I have never been happier:)

3) Yes

4) Most of it is just the sex (but we are great friends)

5) Once again, we are Great friends and have lots of common interest

6) NO, I would not leave my H. If I left my M it would be for me:)

7) I don't expect anything from this relationship. If it ends tomorrow, so be it. If it continues for the rest of my life that’s good, too.

8) OH yes, I will keep this secret forever and ever. AMEN!

I realized a long time ago that life is too short and I truly live by my own needs and desires. I love my friends, my H and my children and their children. I sleep well at night and can truly say I have absolutely NO Regrets! I am a giving caring Mother, friend and wife. My family comes first! MM and I have a great deal of respect and honesty between each other. Even though is a sense we do jeopardize our home lives by doing what we're doing. We go to great measures to make sure no one knows about us. We socialize together all the time. Actually spending holidays together. Trust me no one is wise to us:)

I wish you luck in your new life! You sound young, I hope it all goes well for you! Life has lots of curves and bumps:) NMR

Avatar for poohbear_ut
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 12-01-2003 - 10:27pm
I am young indeed :) but I have been through one hellish marriage that my ex-h almost tried to kill me and my life has changed greatly since then. I decided I had to do what I wanted to do to make me happy, to be happy, to be the person that I wanted to be, instead of this miserable person who had felt like they were stuck, when in reality I was only stuck because of fear.

Fear is something that I HAVE HAD to overcome and I've done it.. wow have I done it.

Anyway!! I'm glad those of you who read the post understood, and that it might have made you think just a little about your life. My honey said that it was nice to hear something like that out of me, that he knows finally I feel settled and happy and not so scared of what we were doing.

Enjoy your times, enjoy your days together, love the person, make GREAT love and have a BLAST!!

~ Pooh