Glad I Found This Site-Advice Welcome

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Glad I Found This Site-Advice Welcome
7
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 11:19am
First let me start by saying, I'm so glad I found this site! The last 6 months of my life has been a total whirlwind and I literally can't discuss it with any of my friends or family! I don't even really know what to say. I've always thought people having affairs were nasty, cheap, disgusting people and now here I am. I have a child and a husband who would do anything for me, but something's missing - enters MM. He's the greatest. We've known each other through business for 2 years, but have actually started an outside relationship in the last 6 months. The really weird thing is that we haven't even had sex yet (2 hours apart and schedules are hell to coordinate)- strictly emotional, but it is wonderful. We talk 4-5 days a week, 4-5 x day, emails, text message, buys me gifts, etc.

I need to know how to keep the emotions intact. The main thing is I KNOW he is not going to leave his wife and kids - too much to lose financially. I'm feeling like a teenager again and absolutely don't know what to do. I'm willing to risk everything, but do I share my deepest feelings NOW or will that freak him out.

I feel like I'm making no sense in this message, I'm just so confused, because I'm head over heels for this guy - he says he is to; really no time for us to get together, both married - I'M GOING CRAZY! Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 12:09pm
deleted


Edited 3/10/2004 4:52 pm ET ET by geek_chic
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 12:24pm
Hi Nel and welcome! Awwwwwwwwwww, the first stages of an EMA are the most delicious and the scariest. My advice on keeping the emotions intact is to do some serious soul searching before you go any further. I tell you it worked for me! I thought long and hard as to what I wanted from this adventure before I ever agreed to the first meeting. I knew my M was not a completely happy one. My problem was my H never wanted sex and me I want it everyday. Anyway, but I knew I didn't want to make things too complicated. I'm fortunate that my MM thinks the same way that I do. We both love our spouses and would never do anything to throw up any red flags. Make sure to communicate you're feelings, anxiety and desires to you're MM. Keep all lines open with each other. OH and sometimes in the beginning of these things we think we'll in love. The excitement is enough to make any girl GRIN from ear to ear. I still do and I've been doing this for over a year. Life is Good! Keep you're head about you and you'll be fine! I wish you luck:) NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 1:04pm
Your message makes sense to me. My relationship is similar. We are both M with children. We work in the same industry, 7 hours apart. The A started in Sept. We get together during out of town conventions/meetings about once a month. The emotions in the beginning are incredible. The one quote that puts it into perspective for us is: "An affair is not a crisis. It is like a fine champagne. Taste it, enjoy it, and never let it cloud your head."
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 3:37pm
My A is mostly emotional also. When we do get to see each other it is mostly kissing and cuddling. We have brought it a bit further, but never quite to THAT level. I love being able to just sit and talk with him. He makes me so happy. I know what you are feeling!!

*hugs*
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Tue, 12-02-2003 - 6:42pm
Your story sounds just like mine.I always thought the same thing about cheaters but now here I am.Only I'm in a full blown a and in love with om.Don;t exactly think he feels the same way.I to have a wonderful h but to damn stupid to care if I mess it up or not.Om isn't m but is getting m soon.Hope not but he said he is.I put a post on ending an a board because I am trying so hard but just can't seem to tell him.Good luck to you.Keeping emotions in tact is hard to do,that's my opinion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 12:44am

Hi nelleg and welcome to the board,


I always say that no one understands us unless they can walk in our shoes... and while you will never walk in anyone else's shoes... you've started to walk the same path and you can certainly understand how much hold an EMA can have over you.


You know he is not going to leave his wife... then I suggest that's where you start... getting your own emotions and feelings in control.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 1:20am
Thanks, Sweet. You always seem to have the right thing to say. My MM and I are both married with children... we both know that the other is not going to leave their respective marriages to be with other people, too. Sometimes I do need to get the emotions in control and I realize it when I read a message like yours. It is hard to remember that his wife, children, family and even work need to come before me. Thanks for the reminder.