"I don't know, but I'll find out"

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
"I don't know, but I'll find out"
12
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 7:01pm
This question is for the men here, but I think the girls might have an idea too....because frankly, I have NO clue what this means.

A close friend was telling me about her new b/f, she said when they are "necking" he often says through his teeth, and pulls her tight, "You're MINE!" She wondered what he ment by this. I told her, sounds like he likes you alot and glad you are 'his'. This is one of those times she (like we all do) is thinking this to death, because she honestly feels it means more then that.

Your thoughts????

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
jeez, why is she "overthinking" this?? obviously, the man is overwhelmed by her and his feelings for her! one little tiny but, BF does sound a bit jealous and controlling, especially the teeth-gritting part. tell her to enjoy the attention, but if he starts being bossy and jealous, she should put the brakes on that R.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
I agree with Gurl. I know this feeling of "she is mine and nobody else's" all too well. Even though technically she is having an affair on her husband with me to me it feels like she is having an affair with her husband on me if you understand what I mean. During our most intimate moments I can think - and I do - that she is "mine" but I would never put it in words. This man has to control himself even though it's not easy. Teeth-gritting, and teling a woman that she is "his", and showing his possesiveness is not the best way to win a woman's heart, although in the beginning it might be flattering. Poor fellow, I most certainly sympathize, I think women can much better than we, men, cope with this flood of emotions.
Avatar for kassieree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
i disagree about women controlling emotions more than men boston... my MM was never able to tell me what he was thinking but always got upset when i had trouble putting my feelings into words. He was always saying 'let me in up here' while pointing to my head but he would never tell me what he was thinking. And then he just moved away without even saying goodbye.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
It entirely depends on the tone it was said in etc...Im not sure whether Id tell him to get back in his cave or feel flattered by that...but most definately tell her not to overthink this one...

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
LiG,

I consider myself a pretty emotional guy, but I can tell you I would never let my feelings show in such a manner, regardless of the situation. There are many better ways to express that. I would be a little leary if I were her. This sounds like he's taking things a bit too far, a bit too serious. What was that Julia Roberts movie? "Sleeping with the Enemy" or something like that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
I would think its OK earlier on in the relationship, but I am a little wary of such behavior. Esp if it is followed after a fight or a arguement or such. If he is the kind who shows other abusive behavior along with this, I would be worried. Its hard to say not knowing the persons involved first hand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
gosh boston, i'm really proud of you and lostvoyage for coming here to the board and giving us your "man" point of view -- thanks guys!

and you do sound much better than a few days ago. see, time does heal to a certain extent.

see ya,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
I am very hesitant to give advice here even though sometimes I do have something to say. But since I myself seriously screwed up my own and Foxy's lives I don't think I am in any position to be telling others what to do.

I do feel much better because we are back to our normal routine, actually I am fine when she and I communicate regularly and get to see each other, it's just that I absolutely can't handle the "no contact", I guess I do have what she calls "a severe case of separation anxiety." We just came up with an idea -- she and I both ski and her husband doesn't, so that's an opportunity for us to see each other at least twice a month during winter.

All in all I am hanging in there. Have a great weekend.
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Boston, if I may throw in my 2 cents here. Your advice here is always welcomed! I think that sometimes we learn and grow from our own advice! Good luck, Sweetie! Things always work out for the best! Keep your chin up:) NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
hey b, never hesitate to give advice if you have the experience to back it up, no matter how "screwed up" you might feel right now. i believe you are like me, one of the "older" ones on the board, and we have the life experiences to help others get through theirs. so continue to share, please!

and that's great about the skiing! you both will have fun and bond with a shared activity that's all your own. moving forward in the R - very cool!!

you have a great weekend too,

gurl

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