A wonderful Weekend & more...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
A wonderful Weekend & more...
4
Wed, 12-03-2003 - 10:58pm
Hi everyone~ I'm finally able to give an update about "our" weekend together ! In a few words, it was unbelieveable !!! We had the best time. My MM is now a Seperated MM and I'm still MW. We spent two night together and 3 days, it was blissful.

Then some other things have come up....and they have been hard to deal with. He is going through a seperation with her and is having a hard time, missing his kids etc. He asked me if he could talk to me as a friend to lean on while he goes through this and I said, "yes of course, I want to be there for you" However, I'm finding it alot harder to handle than I thought. It is hard to hear him say, he finds it odd not to be going home with her, that he cried when they talked , and how much he feels alone. I want to make it all better and can't. Oh, my this is 10 times harder than I have ever imagined. I also got a big dose of reality about his fianances and that there is no way Me and my kids will be moving in with him anytime soon. He is also going to be paying child support for his 3 kids. I am swirling in a pool of emotions and am not thinking clearly at all. I love this man to death but do not have a clue as to how this is going to work out.

Do any of you who have gone through the whole seperation thing before have any wise words to pass along to me. When he wants to talk about his relationship and what is happening with her, how do I handle ti and stay in control? Should I tell him that I can't be there for him, I can't handle hearing about those things? Or should I let him talk and act like it doesn't bother me, just not tell him my true feelings? I need some advice here.

Thanks so much~ Wishing

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 7:54am
As hard as it is going to be for you, what you really need to do (in my opinion) is just be there for him. Above all, if you really care for this man, then you should help him through this rought time as a friend. That is what HE needs now, and if you feel that you can't handle it, just think of how hard it is for him. I hope that it all works out for the best, but try not to think about the future. That is the main thing I have learned from my A, no one knows what will happen next. Just take it one day at a time.

*hugs*

good luck too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 8:24am
I guess Im gonna have to shift to the other side of the coin. I dont think that you can or should play the role of just his friend when he needs to talk about his marital problems. I think you should be there for him as much as you can outside of supporting in terms of his marriage crisis. You must remember that you have a family of your own to maintain and if you emotionally drain yourself over his problems what will be left for your family?

I was happy to hear that you are carefully evaluating the reality of being with him full time. It's not all about finances but it's not all about love either - it takes a variety of things to make it work but reality is...YOU CAN NOT LIVE ON LOVE...

Keep the faith and all will be well!

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:09am
Oh wishing

WOW, that has got to be hard!! Just be honest with him and tell him exactly what you are telling us -- you want to be there for him, but it's difficult for you to hear IT ALL sometimes. Don't hold it all in...you two need to help EACH OTHER through this, and you will only be able to do that successfully if you two are honest with each other about what you are both feeling. I'm sure he'll understand.

I am completely jealous of your weekend together!

Be strong...and honest!

Charlotte

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:34am
Thanks so much girls, I appreciate it all so much.