Food for thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Food for thought
25
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 9:42am
After reading a lot posts of how one should not depend on another person for one's happiness and how somebody shouldn't make another one' s whole life got me thinking.. I guess its all good about keeping one's identity and not loosing one's beliefs and thoughts because of this other person. It means that one should be seeking out to fill a void in our life with another, but why is this said only for emotions. We seek food when we are hungry to fill a void in the stomach. There are many on this board that seek sex outside of their M because they too are filling a void in their lives that they do not get at home and some that hang around with no real reason other than to find an excuse to post. Why it it then that seeking out for physical voids is much less counsel worthy than people who want their emotions fulffilled. Don't get me wrong here, I am not judging anybody in any of the situations described above, but trying to figure out the general masses, that's all. Maybe I am not understanding something here.


Edited 12/4/2003 5:50:03 PM ET by autumnbreeze_iv

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 9:54am
Autumn you are bringing up a very valid question and your comments are well thought out and supported. Emotional fulfillment is in fact a void which many of us seek just as we do sexual voids and other physical voids in our lives...I am famous for always saying that you are responsible for your own happiness but happiness comes from filling those voids or shifting emotions here or there. Happiness is the result...if you aren't happy then YOU need to change something. If having an OM/MM fills an emotional void for you resulting in happiness then all is good but if him being in your picture doesnt result in happiness, only YOU can make that different.

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 9:56am
autumn, i'm a little confused by your post. are you asking why is counseling suggested to posters with emotional issues and not to all posters on this board because of being involved in an A/EMA??

if you are, then here's my take on it. counseling is suggested as one way to gain perspective on a perceived problem, like being overwhelmed by the feelings/emotions for another person, good and bad, that move you to despair, depression, etc.

just because someone is filling a void for sex (which i believe is an innate longing for all human beings) doesn't mean that person is confused, in despair or depressed, just horny. thus, no need for counseling, just a need for release. and after awhile, self-pleasure just doesn't do it for you.

that's it for me!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:01am
Gurl I agree sex is an innate need that you need to fulfill and release. Why isn't it the same for a emotional need such as love or careing? I want to seek emotional release from that and why it different from sexual release? Is it because delaing with implications of an emotion is "messy" compared to sex?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:03am
its my belief that just as there are many ways to feed our physical need for food (eating out/cooking at home/snacks/full-course-dinner, etc) and there are many ways to feed our sexual needs (making love/masturbation, etc), and there are many ways to combat boredom (jobs/hobbies/chores, etc), so are there varied ways to fulfill our emotional needs (the good love of a man/best girlfriends/our children, etc).

i think the issue becomes a cause for concern when one person feels that only their lover can fulfill their emotional needs and if they are dependant and obsessed with the love of one other person....its important (to me) to have a full life that includes many people, experiences, and pleasures and for me to NOT put my ALL into one human being.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:08am
Isn't that what being committed to one person constitutes? If you are the kind of person that doesn't like variety in fulfillment, is that a defect? Some believe in quantity and some others in quality. Why then people who believe in quality are one's who are being picked out the most for not leading a fulfilling lives compared to others??


Edited 12/4/2003 5:51:13 PM ET by autumnbreeze_iv
Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:31am
Ditto! Gurl, you are my twin:) NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:38am
hell no, autumn, sex is just as messy as emotions!! and having sex with someone will eventually lead you to emotional attachment/involvement, no matter how hard one tries to keep the physical and emotional parts separate.

all i'm saying is that humans fill any and all voids as necessity dictates, but if in filling that void, be it physical, emotional, spiritual, one becomes overwhelmed by negative feelings and decends into a morass of crying, depression, other negative behaviors, then intervention is called-for, a friend, family, therapist. some help getting out of the pit becomes mandatory, wouldn't you think?

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:41am
nmr, knew that!!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:47am
Well, I am used to the MM wearing condoms. So, its still not messy for me :)

Anyway, I agree. Don't get me wrong, your posts from yesterday made perfect sense. I have seen a lot of posters who have not qualms about the excessive extents in sexual relationship while emotions seem to be a taboo. Life is too short to be keeping a guard on your emotions and locking them away for later, for me. No offense meant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-04-2003 - 10:49am
one can truly be committed to one person and make that one person his/her all, but making that person the ONLY one to fulfill all parts of your life, physical, spiritual, emotional, puts a big burden on the object of your focus. after all, you can love more than one person as there are different kinds of love, for your SO, children, close friends, God, etc.

and it's not quantity but the quality of your life/love with the object of your affection that's important. it would be wonderful for all humanity if we humans NEVER CHANGED! than our Rs would stay fresh, new, exciting, and not become stale and weighed down with the consequences of everyday life. but when one is in a R/M and many responsibilities are involved - the children, finances, etc., whatever, many choose to stay and find outside outlets for those voids in life. BUT NOT EVERYONE!

so life is made of choices. and you get to make your own choices for yourself. but not if those choices adversely affect others - like your mate finding out about the A/EMA and make their own choices!

gurl

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