Fantasies of being w/someone else?
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| Sat, 12-06-2003 - 4:28pm |
I am so not attracted to him sexually, its not even funny. But I have crazy fantasies about being with someone else. There's no one in particular, but I the fantasies have increased over time. I don't know if I could ever act out on them, and probably wouldn't. I'm not unattractive but I'm plump so I doubt any man would be interested anyway. Did anyone else start out their A like this -- just thinking about being with someone, anyone -- or was it triggered by a certain person? I have no idea if we'll stay married, its been rough. Anyway, don't want to bore anyone, but I need to know I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Perhaps I'm just being weak, but day by day I wonder if I can take it for much longer. The stress is affecting my health and happiness. But I doubt an A would be any kind of solution...
Hugs to everyone.

Exactly a year ago yesterday I met this wonderful man on-line as I was playing cards. I was attracted to him because he wasn't rude, crude, he wasn't hitting on anyone and he was absolutely hilarious. I had never had so much fun playing cards on-line, we were also partners and we kept winning game after game after game. We started to look for each other on-line and he started a little flirting with me, and I thought, oh well, this is on-line what the heck... so, I flirted back. To make a long story short, we exchanged pictures, I found out that he only lived 3 hours from me... and a year later I have to say that I have found my soul mate, my one true love. We are the very best of friends, have had the most amazing sex, but have also had A LOT of bumpy roads. We are both M, I have one son that is now almost 15 months old and he has 5 children. From the beginning it was clear that neither of us would or could leave our families. There was one time last spring that he said, "All you would have had to do was just ask me to leave and I would have in a heart beat"... I could never do that. Also, we are both Christians, so we have really struggled with the whole right vs. wrong thing.
We have tried to end things I can't tell you how many times, and it just gets harder and harder to do. I am moving within 6 months far away, so we won't even be as close as we are now. I know that this A is wrong, but maybe I am waiting until I move, because then I know it will be over, well the physical part of it anyway.
Anyway... this post is about you, but I did want to give you a little of my history. Yes, I fantasized over this for a looooooong time and I NEVER thought it would happen. It has been the best thing that has graced my life as well as the worse thing that has graced my life. There is A LOT of pain that comes out of EMA's. If your marriage isn't going to survive and you know that, then I would really suggest you wait until you are divorced and stay away from MM once you are single. Yes, it is fun and exhilarating, but it can also devistate you and pull you down more than anything else in this world. Just my two cents... I hope this helped some.