Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Need advice
3
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 7:17pm
I am MW and have been involved in an EMA with a SM for over 8 months now. We were lovers over 20 years ago but nothing ever came of the relationship. It was just a sexual thing. But thru chance encounters, this guy comes in and out of my life. Well I contacted him after finding his email on a website. He was so happy to hear from me and was eager to meet etc. I was hesitant, but gave in ... well we shared a good bottle of wine and one thing led to another and our sex life reestablished itself. He'd invite me over every other week or so and we;d spend most of our time talking and laughing not always having sex. Needless to say, I am head over heals in love with this guy. He is everything my husband is not. (My husband is a good guy but he is an addict and for twenty years I have put up with it because we have two daughters together) My youngest daughter is nearly in college so I have been reevaluating my life anyway.

My point is that I love this guy but I dont want to come out and say it and if I do I fear that he will not share the same feelings for me. I feel him pulling away.

I guess my point is how can you tell if someone really cares for you or is just using you. I want to leave my husband but not for another man...for the reason stated above.

I am so confused. I guess I just need to share my story and know that there are others out there that have been in unhappy long term marriages, and then you meet someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with but fear that it will all be in vain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
In reply to: whitmeg39
Sat, 12-06-2003 - 10:04pm
Hi whitmeg39

I just want you to know I too share alot of the same things in common with you. I have recently met my old lover and am struggling with the same things. It is hard, and I do not have any answers, why don't you just ask your om what he thinks of your relationship and where he would like it to go? I hope it is what you want to hear. But no matter what he says, if it's time for you to get out of the marriage your in, you need to leave. Be strong and be proud, you can do it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2003
In reply to: whitmeg39
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 12:45am
If you're truly unhappy in your marriage and want to end it, then do so. Leave your marriage and be prepared to be on your own. How the other man feels about you or the relationship you share has absolutely no baering on that. You need to ensure that in whatever you decide, those two issues are seperate.

And short of the other guy voluntering the information, or declaring his love for you unprompted, then the only way to know for sure how he feels about you, is to ask him - to lay your cards on the table and see how he feels and what he sees your relationship as, or where he sees it going.

And although you might want for him to feel as you do, if you learn that his hopes and aspitations for the relationship aren't the same as your's, that's the best thing that can happen. Only then can you make an informed decision about whether or not to continue the relationship rather than go on in blind hope that he wants what you want.




iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
In reply to: whitmeg39
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 9:21am
i too was unhappy in my marriage, h loved me dearly, but it just was not ther for me. i cared for him, still do, he is a wonderful man. i just dont have that deep love for him. i met a mm and we connected instantly. i finally had the courge to leave my h. mm and i grew closer and he also moved from wife. well now he went back, cant decide what he should do. says he is very guilty and pressue from family to go back.

just be very careful. i would not wish what i am going thru on anyone. i am totally helpless, the rationale part of me knows he wont come back, the other part wishes he would realize he cant be happy at home if his heart is with me.

The only way you will know how he feels is to ask him. The answer may be the one you want. it was for me at first, then he changes his mind. That is devastating.