Just looking for support today
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| Sun, 12-07-2003 - 8:54am |
I have lurked here a long time. I understand and appreciate what everyone goes through here, trying to figure these Rs out. I am having a rather rough day, so thought I would post a brief introduction here and get some support.
I am a MW involved with a MM. It's only been a few months, though we've known each other for longer. It's been confusing for us both, because we don't want to leave our Ms, and yet we realized this past week that if this EMA continues, we will allow very strong feelings to grow and we don't know if we can handle it. We discuss all this quite openly, but I am still wanting the EMA to continue and MM is undecided. So for a while, he has been pulling away, then coming back, then pulling away again... welcome to the roller coaster, right?
Anyway, this weekend he went away with his W so they could focus on each other and their M. And I do support him in this - we had always said that our Ms come first - and I know things have been very rocky for them. But I still hate thinking about them spending all this time alone together. And I am nervous that he will come back to me tomorrow and say we are "off" again.
So that's the intro. For today, to keep my mind off MM and the fact that I can not control what he's doing/thinking or going to do/say tomorrow, I have a list of things I need to get done today, things to keep my focus off of MM. But I will be checking in here periodically and appreciate any support anyone can offer. I know I can get through this... I just hate thinking about it.
Thanks in advance, Anna

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Seeburg
I managed to finish some laundry, wash dishes and shovel snow. Then took a LOOOOONG hot shower. MM called to check in... back from the weekend with his W, which was "nice". (He knows I can only stand limited details). He has not said we are "off again" and since we have already called a "truce" to get through the holidays (one that he broke the day after we made it, but I assume we are back to "truce status" again, which means no IC) I am going to do exactly as you suggest... one day at a time. We do still have other time planned together (no IC, just FWOB time) and he has not canceled those... yet.
Now off to plan dinner, clean up the clutter (kids are snowbound, and the house shows it) and relax until I see MM tomorrow. Still on the roller coaster but on a slower curve right now... sigh...
thanks again, Anna
Oddly enough, he came over yesterday to say that we were definitely ON, and we would find a way to make this work for us. I was sure that after a weekend alone with his W, he would be running away, fast, but the opposite happened. So we had a *lovely* time yesterday morning, but now my own insecurities get the best of me and I wonder if he'll still feel the same today. He's done a 24hr 180 degree turn on me before, so my fear is not TOTALLY groundless.
Most of MM's guilt comes from his kids. He is determined to be a better dad. He is determined to make life with his W bearable for their sake. I totally know where he's coming from. I'm in the same boat. Or rather, roller coaster car.
So here I am. Strapped in and waiting for the next big dip and curve.
Anna
*hugs* glad you're with us!
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
Wow, can you picture telling MM that you're "off" again because he's M and it's just *wrong*? That's what SG did to me Saturday. The funny thing is I was getting to the point where I was ok with the concept of EMA and was ready to make time for an afternoon of full-blown (tee hee) IC. And in trying to get him to open up his feelings to me again, we did the 180 thing. As I told him, we were here this time last year, but it was me saying we had to be strong and hold back. I don't think I ever expected it to stop because of him! I wonder how easy it's going to be to keep it FWOB when he's the only one trying to "be strong". I don't want to, and I predict I'll be back here again next year singing the same song.
Who knows? Maybe I'll be hopping on the rollercoaster with you myself next time you come around on it!
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