I've really screwed it up now!!!!
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I've really screwed it up now!!!!
| Sun, 12-07-2003 - 10:23am |
When your MM wants to know what you are feeling or what you want, think twice before telling him! Its all about self preservation. I told him what i wanted in the future and i thought he wanted the same thing, when he told me it was not possible for us to have a future other than what we have right now, his word was he CAN'T. I told him I thought it was more along the lines of WON'T. Needless to say our conversation ended with everything up in the air and it may be all over. I was okay with the way things were, but now that all the cards are on the table so to speak, its ruined everything. So it actually pays to keep a few things to yourself especially if you want to keep him.

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Take a deep breath and put yourself and your needs first. Do you really want things to go along as is? Or was this conversation meant to change your R? And knowing for sure now that he still does not intend on leaving his W, does that change anything for you?
Good luck. It's been a LOOOOONG weekend around here. Let's hope Monday is a better day!
Anna
Seeburg
Seeburg
You should never ask questions you cant handle the answers to and it appears to me that this particular response is one of the tough ones to swallow. You seem to be handling it very well...chin up and keep the faith!
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
Seeburg
Oh my dear, yes it does! It makes perfect sense to me because that's exactly how I feel! I have cried myself to sleep over him on more than one night (and that's not easy to do when you're in bed with your H). I did talk to him briefly yesterday and he says he's back at home for the sake of the kids (which I do believe), and I asked if he was happy and he said he'd "get by", and when I pressed him about his happiness he said all he had to do was smile. This makes me so sad for many reasons, first of all selfish ones because I don't want him to be there with her, but he is with his kids which I know he was missing really bad. Second, I hate to see him in that position because he isn't happy and I know his W and she's a b***h and I'm sure she's got him walking on eggshells which is why he hasn't been in contact w/me, plus he ran over his cell with a work truck and crushed it so he was phoneless for a few days. He did sound very happy to hear my voice when I called, so that part is good. I'm doing just what you are, taking it a day at a time, but deep down I know we won't go back to the way we were just a few weeks ago and that makes me incredibly sad. I'm trying to shake off the feelings I've been having because I find myself really taking it out on my family and that's not fair to them, but even as I'm writing this I'm tearing up again, and right now I'm at work and can't cry. So, I'll just take a deep breath and pretend everything is ok. I am so glad I found this board because I have only told one person and, while she is extremely supportive, she is half-way across the US from me and can't relate like those here can because she's not in the same situation.
hugs,
Pony
Why does every day bring different emotions out in us? I was with MM today, it was a very good day, but tonight I just feel so blah about everything.We are seeing each other tomorrow and I really am looking forward to it, so tonite makes no sense.
Seeburg
Pony
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