Something's missing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Something's missing...
4
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 12:42pm
I can not complain about the time I spend with the MM I am in an affair with ( We see each other mostly everyday, for long periods of time) Yet I can not feel a sense of emptiness and incompleteness when he goes home to his wife. This MM, also happens to be my professor and is risking not only his marriage and his family, but his job as well for me. He has vested much time, stock and effort into this relationship, much more then a casual fling. I am his second affair. I have a few problems with the situation, espiacially the things that he tells me sometimes, about his wife. He tells me that he can love two people ( His wife and I) and yet, I don't find this very believeable. I believe that if he put us together to create one person, he might have someone to love deeply. Sometimes I just want to tell him to pick between her or me, because it seems as if he spends all of his good times with me and then uses his wife as a security blanket. I am in a dilema, what should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 1:33pm
will your choice is your choice to ask which is more important his wife or you but confronted with the same situation i came to find out that he would never leave his wife so i had to come up with a plan to make him mine i asked him over for a night cap(hehehe) and i taped the whole love making scene,ps it cant have sound so tape the mic , he had no choice but to be with me and we have lived a long happy marrage ever since! i still got the video just to take a look back long time ago
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 2:22pm
IMO, I have to disagree with lonlymom...I dont think you should have to trap someone to be with you...if you do that, you will never know if he ever really wanted to be with you. If you make him choose between the two of you, you could end up losing him forever...is that a chance you are willing to take? Are you OK with the relationship the way it is right now? If you are OK with the way things are right now...then just leave it be...but if you feel you need more out of this relationship...then talk to him about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 3:00pm
Only you can know what your MM is thinking or how he feels, but before you ask him to choose btween you and his W.. are you willing to take the risk that you might not like his answer? It is a known fact that most men do not leave the M. I learned this the hard way, but I realized its better to have my MM in my life like this than not at all. But I think if you want more then you should discuss your needs whatever they may be with him.

I disagree with any ideas of tricking him or trapping him into picking you over his wife. They need to have the option of making you first in their lives so that you know they are there because they want to be there.I would not want to be tricked into being with my MM

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 11:40am
I talked to him today, it was a good frank conversation. I said that even if he did not want to be completely mine, I still care deeply for him and would like to be him. I also disagree with the trapping and tricking idea, I love him too much to do something like that to him. He would after all do anything for me, just last night he wrote me a beautiful poem because he knew I could not be with him that evening.