Hope I'm in the right spot

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Hope I'm in the right spot
3
Sun, 12-07-2003 - 11:06pm
I am single, however, I am in the beginning of a relationship with a married man. He is a neighbor and our children play frequently. At one time, his wife and I were close to being friends. However, before anything started between he and I, a group of neighbors would hang out at their house in the evenings. On several occasions, his wife would get abusive towards him, both verbally and a few times even physically. Though there has always been a physical attraction between us, it was after I stopped hanging out at their house (due to the abuse) that a physical relationship started. The kids all still play together, and that has helped continue a friendship between us. He insists his wife suspects nothing, but I think he's fooling himself. Though I don't think she's aware that the physical relationship has started, I do think she is aware that he is attracted to me. I don't want to stop seeing him. And I'm not holding out hope for a future with him. I've been single for 7 years, and I'm still not ready for a committed relationship. I just don't want to be responsible for ruining his marriage, but I think it's already a wreck. I feel like maybe our relationship gives him a little happiness when he needs it. Am I wrong for staying involved with him? Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Please advise...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 10:49pm
I would say that that relationship sounds like a wreck even before you got involved with your MM, if it makes you both happy then i say go for it. You sound like you have thought this through,just take one day at a time and see what happens.

Good luck

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Mon, 12-08-2003 - 11:44pm

Hi jbm and welcome,


You've certainly found the right place to be... there are many MW and SW involved with MM's or OM's on this board... and while everyone's situation is always different... we can certainly relate and understand what you are going through to some point.


I could and maybe should say... yes! you are wrong with staying with him for those reasons... but that's really society's point of view and I would never say that to any one on this board.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Tue, 12-09-2003 - 9:28am
Hopefully we can become your safe haven during this difficult time you're in. My 2 cents on the matter is that if it works then more power to ya'! As far as your concerns about his wife suspecting something, that's a marital problem for him to contend with. As long as you do your part to keep things in perspective and continue to be discreet it is his problem whether or not his wife begins to suspect something between the two of you.

It is very easy to justify our affairs with the disappointment and negative energy in our relationships and our EMA partner's relationship but you need to just accept it as what it is and not concentrate on finding some justification for the relationship.

It sounds like you have your thoughts in order in that you are content being single and as long as you stay true to yourself all will be well..

Good luck and welcome to the board!

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com