Married woman seeing a single man
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Married woman seeing a single man
| Mon, 12-08-2003 - 3:22pm |
Hi everyone,
I am new to this board and didn't see anyone with the same situation as me. I have been married for 12 years. My husband is a good man, but I found myself missing that excitement from the relationship and I'm also dealing with the fact that my husband can't have children. I want kids desperatly and my husband and I are going to an infertility doctor. I was out one evening with a friend and met a 24 year old man. I am 34. We danced and he asked me for my number. I gave him my work number and told him I was married. He called me that Monday and I have been seeing him ever since. My husband was in Central America on business for 3 weeks and I spent every night with the other man. He is fun, exciting and the sex is great. Now, my husband is back and I find myself missing the other guy terribly. Even though I know what I am doing is wrong, I can't stop or I don't want to stop. I know in my heart that I can't end my marriage and be with this 24 year old guy, but I think about him all the time. He tells me he loves me and wishes that I wasn't married. I think I love him. I am so confused and I feel like my heart is breaking.
Anyone else in this situation? I need someone to talk to about it.
I am new to this board and didn't see anyone with the same situation as me. I have been married for 12 years. My husband is a good man, but I found myself missing that excitement from the relationship and I'm also dealing with the fact that my husband can't have children. I want kids desperatly and my husband and I are going to an infertility doctor. I was out one evening with a friend and met a 24 year old man. I am 34. We danced and he asked me for my number. I gave him my work number and told him I was married. He called me that Monday and I have been seeing him ever since. My husband was in Central America on business for 3 weeks and I spent every night with the other man. He is fun, exciting and the sex is great. Now, my husband is back and I find myself missing the other guy terribly. Even though I know what I am doing is wrong, I can't stop or I don't want to stop. I know in my heart that I can't end my marriage and be with this 24 year old guy, but I think about him all the time. He tells me he loves me and wishes that I wasn't married. I think I love him. I am so confused and I feel like my heart is breaking.
Anyone else in this situation? I need someone to talk to about it.

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I read your post and had to reply. (Very long - sorry)
Here's my story:
I was married to a wonderful man at a very young age - 19. We were together for 11 years, married for 8. We did everything the way we were supposed to. We moved in together, we got married, we built a house, we tried to have a baby. I just went with the flow, not really asking myself what I wanted until several years later. We tried to get pregnant for about a year and a half. Finally, it happened. I was thrilled. I thought that was what I needed to be happy. I thought I would forget about the feelings of despair and resentment if I had a little one to take care of and to love. I would love the baby so much, I wouldn't have to think about not loving my husband anymore. Then, tragedy. I lost the baby at about 3 months into the pregnancy. It really snapped me into reality. What was I doing? Why was I still there? I should have left years ago, but I didn't because it just wasn't the thing to do. It was easier to stay and be miserable than it was to leave and try for happiness on my own terms.
Part of me wanted to go so bad I could taste it. But the bigger part of me couldn't hurt my husband in that way. I just couldn't imagine what it would do to his already fragile ego.
A little while after the miscarriage, we went out with a group of our friends for a night out. It had been many months since we had done anything with these particular people. Well, one of those friends happened to be a man that I had always had a little crush on. Harmless, I thought. But when we saw each other that night, it was like a movie. Fireworks, bells ringing, sparks flying - the whole works. Well, I ended up spilling my whole story to this friend, and he did the same to me. He had just gotten out of an unhealthy relationship and was on the mend. This was the first time I had said any of it out loud - even to myself. It felt so good to unload all of that baggage!
We were sitting outside in my car, talking and letting the car warm up (this was in February), and he kissed me. It was supposed to be a little peck on the lips. Just a little, "I'm here, I'm your friend and I understand" kind of kiss. Well, let me tell ya - I thought I was on fire! We talked on the phone for weeks after that - just talking and fantasizing a bit. It wasn't until April that we actually became lovers.
After a brief (but scorching) affair, he went away for about 2-1/2 months. I was going to try to work on my M. But, instead, my H found a postcard from OM and confronted me about it. I admitted everything and left that same day. I haven't been back, except to collect more of my stuff once in a while. I regret hurting H the way I did - and believe me - I did hurt him. But, that's the only thing I regret. If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't change a thing. When OM returned from his trip, we hooked up and have been inseparable ever since.
I realized that every experience I've had has helped mold me into the person I am today. I just wanted to tell you that it can work. You have to decide what will make you happy, and then decide if its worth the consequences. I recently learned that my H has a new girlfriend and is doing very well. OM and I are very much in love and can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring for us.
Just hang in there, Chris. There are some wonderful people on this board who will help you through the tough times, and will also help you celebrate the good times. We've all been through some hard times ourselves, and can understand where you're coming from. We're here to listen without judgement and give advice, as long as you're willing to take it - even if its not what you want to hear! Take it easy, and write as much as you need to! We're here!
Love,
Pheebs
Listen to her Chris.. she knows...
I wish I had been there for you! I wish I could stop a lot of women (and men) from marrying the wrong person. It would eliminate so much heartache! But - like I said - would you be the person you are today without those experiences? Probably not.
All you can do now is learn from your past. What you do with your future is up to you - no one else. Sometimes we lose sight of that in the midst of everyday life.
Hang in there! There is light at the end of the tunnel! Hugs to you!
Love,
Pheebs
NO. and I am happy to have my kids, love them more than life. I also love my buddy of a DH. I also know, that this time in my life is for them, and as long as MM and I can be friends we will. If then, there is a time, where we were meant to have everyday life, than, I believe we will...
From everything in the past, we learn. I just have chosen not to leave now, but for me, because I want to die, knowing I gave the most I could to my kids. And, at the moment, I am not unhappy.. actually some things are really soaring high...
Hugs..
I was married to my HS sweetheart for about 4 months when I realized I was just "going with the flow" of life...what was next? A family of course...WRONG!!! I paniced, started an EMA with a single man who opened my eyes of all that life could hold for me. We were much more compatible and I knew he could give me the things I needed in a husband. I packed my bags, filed for a divorce and 2 years later married the single man.
Now, Im married and involved in another EMA with a man who in engaged. I have grown to love him very deeply over the past 2 years we've shared. Although I would never leave my DH I often find myself wondering how I got myself loving two men... what a tangled mess, but it works...My M and my DH always come first but there still always seems to be time left to share with my OM.
I can't explain how it works, it just does...
Good luck to you!
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
First, thank you for replying to my message. Wow, your story is pretty intense. So, now you are with the guy that you left your husband for? My question is, is how did you tell your husband? Weren't you so afraid of hurting him? My whole deal is that I love this other guy, but I don't know how I could do that to my husband, who I still love. I feel like it would devestate him. Also, although I love this other guy, I'm not sure I want to end my marriage to be with someone who is 24 years old. What if I do end my marriage and then end up regretting it? There is absolutely no reason that I have to leave my husband. He is wonderful and loving. I worry that if I did leave my husband for this other guy, wouldn't I feel the same way about this other guy years down the road, provided that we did stay together? Also, my husband and I have a house, bills, cars, etc. If we split, I know this guy couldn't afford to live the way I like to live. While I know that it shouldn't matter, I have an established life and if I do leave my husband, my whole life, every aspect would change. My head tells me to end it with this other guy and focus on my marriage, but my heart feels something totally different. I wonder if I really love this guy or just love the "newness" of the relationship. I can't continue to have things the way they are now, or I will go crazy. I see my other man a few times a week (I lie to my hubby and tell him I am going shopping). When I leave my other man to go back home, I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. Anyway, thanks for listening and thanks for your email.
Hugs,
Christina
Edited 3/10/2004 5:03 pm ET ET by geek_chic
Nice to meet you. Our situations do seem a bit similar. I don't have children. Is your om single? Mine is and he is ten years younger than me. He has not told me he doesn't want to be with me while I am married. He says he wishes we could be together and that if I wasn't married, he would want to be with me everyday, but I explained to him when I first met him that I was married and wanted to stay that way, but that was before I fell for him. I was just planning on having sex a few times and that was it, and then I started to really care about him. He tells me he loves me and wants to be with me, but doesn't push me to end my marriage. He has dropped a few hints about me leaving my hubby for him. I have just ignored those hints, but everyday I find myself wanting to be with him and get out of my marriage, but I just cant imagine telling my hubby that I am leaving. What reason would I give him for wanting to leave? I feel like I am going to burst, because I can't decide what to do. Then I think if I do leave my hubby, I will regret it and then where would I be, ya know. I am going crazy, but I can't bring myself to say goodbye to my om. Tell me more about your situation.
hugs,
Christina
I have the exact same problem. I know I'd be happier if I left my husband. But lilke you said about your's - he's a good guy and I fear hurting him that much. I've been going around with this for almost 4 years and it truly is driving me crazy. I keep telling myself that maybe I'll leave after this holiday season, but I don't know if I'll be able to find the strength to do it. Good luck to you.
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