Holiday busy-ness

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Holiday busy-ness
10
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:22am
Is anyone else having a rough time with their As right now due to the holidays? EVERYONE, not just MM, is so incredibly busy there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day. I'm guilty of being busy too but on top of all of that, MM has been out of work a lot due to family things and it's just really hard. He told me last week that he really misses our private conversations and then yesterday he said he's missed me. But then yesterday afternoon he was too busy to see me. I ended up getting a long private phone conversation at the end of the day that was better than the short visit I would have gotten in the afternoon, and I was so relieved to be able to just talk to him. But then today it looks like he's missing in action yet AGAIN. I feel like I'm going to go crazy. Just when I think I've finally got him back to normal again, he vanishes for a couple of days unexpectedly or I get stuck in a meeting for hours at a time and next thing I know it's time to go home and I haven't even gotten to see him except in passing. It just seems like life keeps coming between us. I seem to recall a little while back people were talking about dreading the holidays and I just thought they meant the week of Christmas, when we're all separated from our MMs/OMs and with our families but maybe you all meant the entire holiday season. Is it always like this? Even worse -- both of us are taking the last week of the year off so there will be almost two full weeks where we won't see each other at all. I know when the time comes I'll be fine; it's just dreading what's to come that is hard for me. How are you all coping? It's funny -- I remember a time I used to look forward to my vacations. Now I'm dreading them and I look forward to going to work. How warped is that?!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 11:19am
It's not just the holidays. We will always be #2 in their lives, if even that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 1:01pm
It's the same thing here. He's been so busy at work. He hasn't had the time for us right now. A quick email, a quick phone call. Just enough to hear him say how tired he is and how behind schedule he is. It's been 2 weeks going on 3 of this.

At first, I was a bit upset, but that wasn't making things better so I've lightened up.

We talked monday and he sounded so tired. He said he missed me and loves me. That's all I needed to hear, :).

I miss him very much. The best thing I can do is just let him be to deal with that there. He doesn't need me to add to his stress so I pulled back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:45pm
I keep going back to what someone said about men not being able to multi-task. Doesn't it seem that way? If they get the slightest bit busy, they can't even spare five minutes. They can only invest their energy in one thing at a time. I can be busy at work and still take a few minutes to talk to MM, but not him. It's SO annoying!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 9:08pm
I have been thinking on this just tonight. I work with MM and am always willing to look at my schedule and "find time" to be together. But then I always feel like I have to "pin him down" for time. And while that makes sense because we both have unpredictable schedules, it can get frustrating. So how do you find the balance? He called me tonight after a work-related Xmas party to tell me how great I looked, but couldn't tell me when we could get together alone again because his schedule is so cluttered between holiday prep, family commitments and work. I have the same issues, and yet I am willing to actually pick a date and time. It's not that he doesn't want to see or be with me - I am sure that he does. But he kept saying, "we'll talk, we'll nail something down." Ok, but when??? I knew, when we were getting into this, that he is truly one of the world's WORST planners (very last-minute kind of guy in EVERYTHING), so this is probably just one of the frustrations I need to get used to.

I wouldn't be bothered by this quite as much, except I did see him for lunch today (no IC, just lunch) and he talked a lot about his feelings of guilt... oh boy. At first I thought he was trying to break off again, but he kept reassuring me no, that I was the only person he COULD talk to about feeling guilty and he just wanted to get it out. Hmmm...

So those are my thoughts around busy-ness and the holidays. I, too, am leaving town for a week and won't see him, so that's yet another reason I am anxious to get together again SOON... oh, damn. Sometimes these EMAs just suck.

Done venting. Thanks.

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 9:21pm
Anna, I think all men have trouble planning. They also do not multi-task very well. He is feeling overwhelmed with work, holiday planning, and the upcoming holiday events. I know how you feel. Mine claims to be so busy, yet I run circles around him and still have time to spare.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 10:02pm

Actually... my MM can multi-task rather well for a man... I have to say, he's sometimes better than me :) My MM too is very flat out at the moment... he's taken on extra work at present and also started some course and has a big assignment and presentation to put together for it... as well as his normal work.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 5:58am
Well, I guess my gripe isn't whether or not he'll come to me when he can, because I know he will. My gripe is, what about what *I* want and need? I don't want to just be sitting on the sidelines for whenever MM is ready to take a break. He has to make himself available for when *I* want/need some attention too. It has to go both ways. With understanding on both sides that our other lives (work and family) do come first. Right now, even though I am complaining, I really shouldn't. He HAS made an effort in the past to make time for me. I guess I'm just frustrated because I want some time with him NOW and he can't, and I don't want this to turn into a pattern of only getting together when HE can squeeze ME in... know what I mean?

Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 9:07pm
That all makes perfect sense...have you talked to him about this? My opinion would be to talk to him about how you feel, but maybe wait until after the holidays so that you have his full attention. this is a very stressful time of the year for alot of us.

 Seeburg    

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 10:50pm
I agree whole heartedly. That's the way my MM is too.

I'm trying really, really hard to be understanding and so far I have. I don't like it at all. He's supposed to come by the end of the year, but I doubt it. I really don't know what's going on because we really haven't had the time to talk and that's annoying.

I know he's busy. I know it's hectic, but I think he could STILLL call either way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 6:19pm

Hi Anna,


oh trust me! I know how frustrating it can be at times... and I don't have a problem letting my MM know... but at the same time... I will not place the blame on him... his work can be unpredictable and I have no control over what happens with work and on the home front.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My