How did I get here?!?!?! (sorry, long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2003
How did I get here?!?!?! (sorry, long)
1
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 11:11am
Hello. I have been lurking around this board for a couple of weeks, but have finally admitted to myself that I am in an EMA (emotionally if not yet physically). Pretty much the same old story I guess. I am a 31 year old MW with 2 small children (almost 2 and almost 3). I don't think I have ever really been in love with my H, but I was almost 27 when we married and I guess I felt like that was my only chance. My H is not abusive, he works, and helps with the kids (for the most part, but I am not at all physically attracted to him. Anyway, I met this guy at work who is significantly younger than me. He has been flirting for about 3 months, but I never paid much attention because he is only 20 and I only saw this big age difference and also I am his boss, which is a huge no-no since I could lose my job. Now over the last couple of weeks the flirting has gotten more intense and I have to say for the first time in all of this, I started flirting back. I know deep down this is wrong, but I think about him all the time. I get "warm and fuzzy" inside when I think about him and when we are around each other I can't think straight at all. I hate feeling like I am out of control, but here I am. I can't for the life of me figure what he sees in me. I have told him he should be out dating girls his own age, but he says age is just a number. He says that he doesn't want me to do anything that I will regret, but I guess he knows deep down that I won't regret it. Two days ago he kissed me and I swear I had to sit down. My knees haven't been that weak in a long time and never like that with my husband. Now I find myself wanting to go farther. Last night he was off work, but came by to "visit" some people. He kissed me again and told me he had been thinking about me all day. He makes me laugh and is very easy to talk to and I feel very comfortable around him. I guess I just needed to vent. I never thought I would even consider having an A, but now that I am here, I can't think of anything else. Sorry this post is so long, but thanks for being here. I am so thankful for this board.

Hugs

camp1998

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 11:51am


Don't worry-

I think many of us are in the same position as you. I too have a young child and a great husband but i don't think i am in love with him. I have been involved in a EMA for five months now. We have not had sex yet and i am really scared that once we turn that corner- there's no going back. If you ask me-i say be happy and see what happens. It is tough though. The lies, the excuses. I can honestly tell you the only time i am truly happy is when i am with my child or my OM. I have gone through the guilt stage and the remorse. now i just want to be happy. Do what makes you happy.

If you want to talk more you can email me at tiffermills@hotmail.com

good luck and everyone here is very supportive so take advantage of that!!!!

hugs!