My H

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
My H
3
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 12:34pm
Ladies, and Gents (who might be lurking)

I never say much about my H, our R has been gone for years. Long before MM and I were involved (more than friends) I see my H very little oh he is home, but he locks himself in his office (as not to be bothered by the kids) He comes to bed at 11 or 12. I leave for work before he gets up. He works on Saturdays. The only day I really see him is on Sunday, and that is if he didn’t make plans without us. I have to make an appointment to talk to him. I totally take some of the blame here, 8 years ago H had an affair, and then another, and then another. One as recent as this year. I built a wall. Now I know your asking WHY would she stay.

The list is the same as most of yours, kids, money, and security. But now I see that none of them are reason to keep getting beat down, I realize that I am setting the example that my children will follow. I don’t ever want my son to treat a woman the way his dad has treats me, so all this time I stayed to provide them a loving home, a two parent family!!

Yeah a two parent family that is nonfunctional!!

Last year I got this wonderful job, it has given me financial security, and a new belief in myself, both I need, I know now that I can leave my H and make it on my own!!

I spoke to an attorney yesterday; I'm making a move!

Well H comes home early last night, with flowers (I don’t believe he knows about my attorney visit). He sits down to eat dinner with us. He watches a ball game on TV with us; He puts the kids to bed (never has he put our kids to bed). Then he comes to our room, and starts in on me, about how I'm still the woman of his dreams, he so sorry that he works so much and never has time for us, I was totally freaked out!! He said lets go away this weekend just us, I'll take you to a Ballgame, we'll stay in the same hotel we did on our honeymoon. He said I miss you!

We talked for the first time in months, but I still had no feelings, none! I don’t love him; I don’t want to be married to him anymore. I still see the man who broke my heart, and my dreams.

Just venting!!

dayz



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2003
In reply to: dayzrlost
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 2:28pm
Dayz, I would hug you right now if I could))))))! I know what you are feeling. My H also came around just a litlle too late. I shut myself off to him along time ago. I think I did it so I wouldn't have to endure the pain he was causing me inside. I would lay next to him in bed and cry myself to sleep because he wouldn't touch me. I was so sad for so long. After a few years I just built a wall around my heart to protect myself from his unapproving eyes. He couldn't even upset me in the end. I would just walk away untouched. Now he's claimed to be a changed man. He can't understand when I say that I don't love him anymore. I tried to restore the passion for years only to be shut down. Now when he tries to kiss me it seems so unnatural. I have tremendous guilt. I also will terribly miss the comforts of my home. My H is very well off and I will no longer reap the benefits. But is it worth the pain? Sometimes I don't know. I love my house. I love raising my children in a big home without money worries. But I will survive. You will too. Good luck. And God Bless You.

Secret

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
In reply to: dayzrlost
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:01pm
Thank you so much for the HUG.

I too never get upset with him, it's like I have no feelings for him at all. It does not bother me that he never spends time with me, but his kids are missing out. I'm not even really looking forward to the weekend, I almost dread it. I'll be thinking all weekend I wish MM was the one here with me.

I too will miss the comforts of the M, H has provided us with a nice home, new cars, the best of everthing. It will take some adjusting, But I'm willing to trust myself enough!!!

Thank you again!!

dayz
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
In reply to: dayzrlost
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:39pm

Hi dayz,


Hon... just wanted to say... that I know how

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My