New to This.....Struggling with Feelings

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
New to This.....Struggling with Feelings
6
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 4:02pm
Hello All-

I am new to this, never been involved with a MM. It's been 7 months. I am not M. I like him alot, we spend a few days a week together, he lives an hour away. It's difficult, I love him and that's it! Don't want nobody else. I don't expect him to leave, nor do I want him to. I like things just the way they are, but feel if we continue I will be the only to get hurt. How does everyone else deal with this?? He is all I want and think about. There isn't a Man out there that can compare. He was honest about his situation from the start. He's there for me whenever I need him....Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 5:20pm
I know exactly what you're going through. I'm in the same situation. I'm happy with the time we have, hate it when we're apart, but am content with waiting. Not waiting for him to make a future with me, cuz I'm not sure if that's gonna happen, but I am truly just enjoying what time we do have. There are times I question in my mind if he's being honest about his feeling for me, but that would be true in any relationship. Anyways, the few weeks I've been reading through this board, I've found that everyone here seems very supportive of each other (thanks everyone!!). I hope you get the support you need.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Wed, 12-10-2003 - 7:46pm
I am in the EXACT situation as you are...I have been with MM for a few months now...he was very honest with me right from the beginning...he is not leaving his wife and I would never ask him to do that...and we agreed from the beginning that this A would last as long as I wanted it to...if I found someone that I wanted to be involved with, he would step aside and let me persue the new relationship...he says that part of him would love for me to find someone of my own, someone who can give me everything he cant...but the other part of him, the selfish side...hopes I do not find anyone and he can keep me all to himself...actually he is also hoping that if I do find someone else, that I will still continue to see him too, LOL! As of right now, I am very happy with our relationship...I love spending time with him and somehow along the way, I fell in love with him. That is the easy part...the hard part is sharing him with his W and his family...when all is said and done...he goes home to his family and I am here alone. I just always remember that I know that he loves me and he gives me as much time as he possibly can...we speak numerous times during the day and see each 2-3 times a week, sometimes more. Do I give up my life for him? No, I still continue to go out with my friends and hope that I do meet someone...I want to get married and have kids in the near future...but as of right now...my Mr. Right has not come along so my relationship with MM continues. I cherish each and every minute I get to spend with him because I know one day day life is going to lead our relationship in a different direction and we will go our seperate ways.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 2:26pm
Thanks for your reply. Our situations seem so similar. My MM has said those same things to me about finding someone for myself, he would be jealous. but would have to deal with it. But no one compares to him at this time. I was in a 21 year relationship and have 3 children. I'm not looking for marriage, so this works for me. Do you ever feel guilty or that use deserve better than this?? I am an educated women, I know right from wrong, but when it comes to this, nothing matters.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 7:56pm
I am an educated woman too...believe me, I know what I am doing isn't right...but obviously something is missing in his marriage for him to come looking for it in me...I love him and I cant help it and I love spending any moment I can with him...we were together earlier and he will be coming over later.

He even brought it up again tonight...he wants me to find someone of my own but he still wants me for him...and I said to him...well, what if I do meet someone, maybe we can still be together...and he said, you are going to make love to him and to me??? I dont think he liked that too much...I know he loves his wife in a strange sort of way and I know he loves his children but he loves me too and that makes this a difficult triangle...it definitely isnt easy...but I take what I can get when I can get it!

He asked me tonight if he is the only one for me...and I jokingly said to him...for now...and he says to me that I hurt him...see it is like a double edge sword...we both want what is RIGHT for me but we both want to keep what we have.

It is so wrong, yet so right!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Thu, 12-11-2003 - 11:03pm
Oh My God!! You are right on point. It's ironic how similar our situations are. I'm wondering if we are dating the same MM - LOL!! I will be seeing him shortly.....any minute. Bye4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 6:27am
I hope he isnt the same...I have to deal with sharing him with his W, I dont think I can share him with you too!!! (wink) LOL! Well, I hope you had a nice night last night with your MM...my MM came over for a couple of hours and it was really nice!

But it is nice to finally see someone in the same situation as me...as many posts as I have read on this board...few are the single gal with the MM, these A's have their own different set of problems...stay in touch!