Back from NL, heartbroken ( long.. sorry

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Back from NL, heartbroken ( long.. sorry
4
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 5:27am
hello all, i just got back last night. OM and i had have a rough few weeks up to the day before i got there. I was staying at his dad's place, and his dad and i had a very open talk. DH was there too, as was DH's mom, basically I learned more about OM than i ever dreamed. Got many answers he was unable to provide. His father said that if OM had to do it again, he is sure he'd never pick his W. She is just a dumb woman ( he meant it with all sencerity i am sure, OM's dad is an honest, wise man that knows nothing of OM and me.. I thought.. )

Just that OM is the boss at work, but a wimp at home. That he is only there for his girls, 6 and 2 years old, and that OM needs a woman with energy, life, love and that is something his W never had. That for the past 11 years if OM is just at his dad's house she phones 3-4 times just to see that he's there. She is terribly jealous, and they know that OM has never given her a reason. That the day before we met again in Aug, OM called and cancelled the plans to photograph the wedding. His dad told him he had to, he agreed to, and after that day, (that magical day, we met and talked and fell... ) he called his dad and said it was the best day of his life. His father leaned over and winked at me, 'i think you had something to do with that' he said.

I tried calling him, no answer, just felt so low. I learned that OM is really sensitive and scared. Of everything. He had his own business, that went under and lost all his self confidence. That explains so much.

The next day i was still a mess, i phoned his house (which i never to) W answered and yelled at me. Said she read my letters and text messages, said you both are married what are you thinking.. he wants nothing to do with you' then she hung up.

I got through to him later that day, and said, i don't know whats going on. I have 3 days here and thats it. Does he still have monday off, he said he did so we agreed to meet at 9 on monday.

9 came and went. I waited till 9:30 before calling and getting his machine. Just left a message. I just said that i know that he is scared. We all get scared. I don't know what she knows, i don't know anything cause he hasn't told me, and that i am sorry this couldnt work.

later that day i heard from a friend that OM texted her ( my phone was not working in NL so he had her nr.) he said that he was on his way, but couldn't make it at 9, and if i could call him.

I did call, out of instict and he didn't answer. I went to my H, and his friend, and we enjoyed the day. Heartbroken and sick. When i got home I had a text message come in,

'thanks for your voice mail, i WILL write you back, but there is a lot of crap that has happened.You will hear it all from me, okay?!greetings and i am sorry'

I just don't think i can do this to myself.I know that i am sensitive, and that i fell very hard, and that there's nothing that can be done now. I am honest with myself, this can't happen anymore. I don't even know if i want to hear his reasons.

All i know is I was there. And i felt so sorry for myself. I took a long look in the mirror and saw this beautiful woman. 26, strong, who's never been stood up before... there heartbroken over this guy. I need to get my head back on straight. Its almost spring here in Finland and its beautiful. I would never want to leave here, I just wanted him. He wanted me. It just didnt work. Time to pick up the pieces, I'm going back there in May with my family... i won't see OM; but just being there... thanks for listening you all..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:57am
I have never been in your situation, but went back and read some of your messages. I feel for you. It sounds like he really does care for you, but that his wife found out somehow and that scared him. The fact that he still text you to say things will be okay means that this weighs heavy on his mind. Hang in there, we are here to help. Try to have NC for a while then maybe casusally try to contact him by text or email in a few weeks. It may be that you won't want to anymore. Or that you can just pick up where you left off. Best of luck to you.

abideth
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 9:59am

hi mikkolover.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:06am
hi gurl and abideth, thanks for the imput. Yep, i am hurting, i know, but even something as small as not responding to his text message yesterday makes me feel one step closer to being strong again.. thanks for all the listening and pep talks. I think I will get better in time of course.... this too shall pass...

thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 10:09am

mikko - hang in there honey, we're here if you need us!!


bear hugs to ya!

CL-Gurlfriend50


Co-CL of My Affair Support Board


Live, Love and Be Happy! Tropical Island

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board