HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
HELP
3
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:31am
Where do I start? I love this site - it makes me feel like I'm not the only one in the world that is going through this. I'm a very independent MW who is separated - I keep saying i"m going through a mid-life crises but everyone says I'm too young (32) - however my mom died at 40 (I was 19) so that probably has something to do with it. I've been married for 7 years we have 1 child. My H is great - wonderful - great dad - but there is nothing there - we separated in Jan. but it devastated him. He has me on this pedastal way high - I have always hated that. In October I met another MM - we were just friends- I was helping him with school work - we hung out all the time - from moment one I could sense he was into me - I was way into him - scared me to death. I am now separated - he is finalizing things on his end. I have no doubt WHATSOEVER that this is right - we communicate, have great sex, love spending time together, have everything in common. I was honest with H and told him about BF but on his end - he is just leaving - not telling her why which is fine. We have both dealt with extremem guilt, pain, fear, all that - together and separate. It is way terrifying but I know it is right - he does too - Problem though -he is convinced I will change my mind and leave him - do it again - I have tried to convince him but he keeps having nightmares that wake him up about me with someone else. He jumps at the drop of a dime and gets angry when I say he is overreacting. He says its because of how we met and got together - I understand that but don't have the same reactions since I believe we are soulmates. He believes that too and cannot stay away from me - we've tried - but how does he overcome his fear?

Any advice would be awesome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: poohbear39
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 10:44am

hi poorbear39 and welcome to the board!


only time and trust will overcome MM's fear(s).

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
In reply to: poohbear39
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:42am
Pooh bear you just need to be there when he has his moments to help him. Sometimes that is really enough... Also please be patient with each other as you both are going through some tumultuous moments in your individual lives with the upcoming divorces/separations. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
In reply to: poohbear39
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:38pm
Thank you both - we have had a hard couple days - i know this is normal - I have said over and over that we have skipped the dating phase - which stinks - but its reality - we are totally in love but man - the external forces are huge. He appears calmer tonight which is promising - and he is communicating which is what we have both agreed to always do - so who knows what will happen - its nice to know there are other people out there who understand - right now I feel pretty alone.....