men as villains

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
men as villains
5
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:36pm
Since probably 95% of the reading audience are women, I have a question...

Women seem to get a much greater deal of support in leaving a marriage. They absolutely get the short end of the deal more often, I understand that, but in cases where things are more equal, why is that men are demonized for wanting out?

We have no children. My W doesn't need my income, she makes almost 3x what I do. I do most of the work at home. She's the one who works late all of the time while I'm the one who doesn't most of the house work, etc. Her family thinks she's hard to get along with, as do most of her co workers. Everyone tells her she's "lucky to have me" and tells me "good luck."

But now that it's coming out that I intend to leave... and I'm the bad guy. My life sucks. There's no passion, she tries to manage me like one of her staff and I'm just completely exhausted with giving to this relationship. And no, none of my friends or family know about the OW (if they did, I could understand their reactions.)

So why am I the bad guy?

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:22pm
Raining, One thing that I have learned is life is "Not to lose sleep over what other people think of me". I figure it's my life and it's the only one I have screw who ever dosn't like what I do with my time on earth. What I"m trying to say is be happy, love and live your life to the fullest! Dance Naked, every chance you get:):) NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:27pm
Hey raining! Who is calling you the bad guy? Does your W know about your OW? If your family and friends are saying this, maybe she has said something to them, to make you look bad.. No its not right that she is treating you this way. I don't feel as if you need to explain your actions to anyone, would a lady have to? No probably not. Tell them you're unhappy in the M and feel it would be better if you were to leave. If they can't support your decision then i would have to wonder if they were ever on your side. Since she makes good money, I wouldn't worry to much about it. How is your R with your OW? Does she support you in this? and will you be together after its over? The way it sounds you're a great guy to have. I would luv a man who would help around the house, but I wouldn't want you to do all of it. She was lucky to have you and maybe when you're gone she'll come to see that. What is her reaction to you leaving? I don't blame you at all, you're only human like us ladies, and just like us men can only take so much too. Please don't let what people are saying get to you very much. Just know that what you're doing is right for you and thats all that matters!! Take care of yourself!!


Hot

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:27pm

hey raining, are you feeling sorry for yourself, hon!

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:52pm
I probably shouldn't be responding since I'm not sure that you want to hear what I am going to say. Sorry for being too blunt but it almost looks like you are enjoying wallowing in self-pity and getting some weird kick out of your suffering. Your life sucks, you hate coming home, there is no connection whatsoever between you and your wife, you are physically and mentally exhausted and emotionally drained - what in blazes is so good about all this that is making you stay? No children, no financial responsibility, not even love and passion to adhere to. Why are you doing this to yourself? And how much longer are you planning to drag this misery out? Time has a way of escaping.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 3:21pm
I don't why people say it always is a man fault, but I personally have seen the woman getting blamed too for being the one wnating out. Don't let the accusing fingers deter you from being who you should be - happy and loved in the future. Believe me , I would say it is moral of my story.