Now what? (lost in translation)
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| Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:52pm |
Short recap: MW and I (a MM)developed an intense bond and friendship last year that evolved into a full EMA. In some ways we were soul-mates, but perhaps you could point to loneliness and disatisfaction with our spouses as reason for the connection. Whatever the reason, becuase of job circumstances we now find ourselves in different cities 600 miles apart. Around the same time this happened, she became pregnant. (we sure its not mine...) So with physical separation and the changes in her life, it was clear that the EMA needed to come to an end. We never said it, but it was basically understood.
We have stayed in contact as friends and tried to keep it platonic, but there are always relapses, but nothing physical due to distance.
A while ago she suggested I go see "Lost in Translation" by myself, which I did. The movie was about us. It was us. All the feelings, memories and emotions came flooding back. She implied that she felt the same way. But still nothing can be done becuase of distance and the soon arrivale of a baby.
Now I am wondering what the heck is going on here. Is this just another temporary relapse? Am I kidding myself that there is still something between us? Am I just torturing myself thinking about something that will never be?
I'm not sure what I am looking for here. I suppose I needed to vent a little. I just can't get her out of my mind. As a fairly typical guy, I never thought I could fall in love with a woman so deeply and madly and so quickly. I can't remember ever feeling this strongly about anyone before.
So now what?

Somehow I've convinced myself that we would both run off together if we could. I still wonder if someday circumstances will allow that.
Its kind of funny becuase we never really talked about having a future "together," but we still talk about sharing life experiences together in the future like very close friends would -- but underneath the surface there's always with a hint of a tad bit more.
Why can't life be simpler?!
Just when I thought I had come to terms with things, all it took was a movie to bring it all back.
Funny isn't that how life is? I have almost left my OM and said good bye too. I ran into him again a week later by chance I said to myself - who hell was i fooling? All of the feelings came back I couldn't stop them. I such a sucker for his eyes, I always melt when he gives me that sad smile...
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
Its not that I want to have it all. I just want to have that same feeling I had when MW were together. Nothing compares to that.
As for MW, I've been giving her all the space she needs to figure this out. With the baby and resolving her own issues with her marriage, there is a ton of worries on her plate. I'm just trying to be supportive and be a true friend (if that's possible).
So we're not letting the relationship go so much as trying to turn it into something else.
Does that make sense?
hi insanemm and yes it does make sense, but how long do you think you both can tread water in this R?
CL-Gurlfriend50
Co-CL of My Affair Support Board
I'm not sure there is anything to fix. Things are as they are, and I am trying to move on. But I appreciate your comments. (being a guy, I always felt kinda funny posting here)
A lot to think about.
Hi insanemm... I do remember you hon... although details of course get rather schetcy... it's not like I can make notes or anything.
I'm not sure I can offer you any advice... I know that I've sort of been where you are now... I become pregnant with my second child while in my EMA with MM... and pretty certain that DD is not MM's.
When I become pregnant... I realised that I had big decisions to make... and I remember making the biggest of all and that was to keep MM in my life... and then letting it rest in his hands.
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
And why do you feel funny posting? There is nothing wrong with having feelings and I don't think this is something that we should try to hide or be ashamed of. I don't see why I should pretend that I am emotionally strong when in fact I am not.
I agree that we have not really communicated effectively. I don't know if we will, but at least I will give it some thought.