Now what? (lost in translation)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Now what? (lost in translation)
10
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 12:52pm
Its been months since I've posted here.

Short recap: MW and I (a MM)developed an intense bond and friendship last year that evolved into a full EMA. In some ways we were soul-mates, but perhaps you could point to loneliness and disatisfaction with our spouses as reason for the connection. Whatever the reason, becuase of job circumstances we now find ourselves in different cities 600 miles apart. Around the same time this happened, she became pregnant. (we sure its not mine...) So with physical separation and the changes in her life, it was clear that the EMA needed to come to an end. We never said it, but it was basically understood.

We have stayed in contact as friends and tried to keep it platonic, but there are always relapses, but nothing physical due to distance.

A while ago she suggested I go see "Lost in Translation" by myself, which I did. The movie was about us. It was us. All the feelings, memories and emotions came flooding back. She implied that she felt the same way. But still nothing can be done becuase of distance and the soon arrivale of a baby.

Now I am wondering what the heck is going on here. Is this just another temporary relapse? Am I kidding myself that there is still something between us? Am I just torturing myself thinking about something that will never be?

I'm not sure what I am looking for here. I suppose I needed to vent a little. I just can't get her out of my mind. As a fairly typical guy, I never thought I could fall in love with a woman so deeply and madly and so quickly. I can't remember ever feeling this strongly about anyone before.

So now what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:13pm
insanemm, I was thinking about you yesterday, wondering about what happened to you and the OW?? I don't know MM, its really upto you both to decide where you want to go from here and after she has her baby. I don't think anybody is a fool for expecting more in such a relationship - for hope against hope has always been mentioned before you and me. I think its wonderful you did not find somebody new in the time you and her had to be apart due to circumstances. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:43pm
Thank you. (I'm impressed that you remember me!)

Somehow I've convinced myself that we would both run off together if we could. I still wonder if someday circumstances will allow that.

Its kind of funny becuase we never really talked about having a future "together," but we still talk about sharing life experiences together in the future like very close friends would -- but underneath the surface there's always with a hint of a tad bit more.

Why can't life be simpler?!

Just when I thought I had come to terms with things, all it took was a movie to bring it all back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:50pm
I have a good memory, but mostly a forgiving one. :)

Funny isn't that how life is? I have almost left my OM and said good bye too. I ran into him again a week later by chance I said to myself - who hell was i fooling? All of the feelings came back I couldn't stop them. I such a sucker for his eyes, I always melt when he gives me that sad smile...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:58pm
so insanemm, what do you want out of this life?

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 3:38pm
I'm not sure what I want. I daydream about having a life with MW all the time, which probably is not a good thing. I still have to figure out my own marriage and life. The more I dwell on MW, the less I get anywhere.

Its not that I want to have it all. I just want to have that same feeling I had when MW were together. Nothing compares to that.

As for MW, I've been giving her all the space she needs to figure this out. With the baby and resolving her own issues with her marriage, there is a ton of worries on her plate. I'm just trying to be supportive and be a true friend (if that's possible).

So we're not letting the relationship go so much as trying to turn it into something else.

Does that make sense?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 4:08pm

hi insanemm and yes it does make sense, but how long do you think you both can tread water in this R?

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 7:40pm
Well of course you are right about the changes. Hell, we both figured that eventually a baby would cause changes. It still does not change feelings. At least for now.

I'm not sure there is anything to fix. Things are as they are, and I am trying to move on. But I appreciate your comments. (being a guy, I always felt kinda funny posting here)

A lot to think about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:40pm

Hi insanemm... I do remember you hon... although details of course get rather schetcy... it's not like I can make notes or anything.


I'm not sure I can offer you any advice... I know that I've sort of been where you are now... I become pregnant with my second child while in my EMA with MM... and pretty certain that DD is not MM's.


When I become pregnant... I realised that I had big decisions to make... and I remember making the biggest of all and that was to keep MM in my life... and then letting it rest in his hands.

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:19pm
Don't know if I can offer any sound advice but it sure looks like major lack of communication. I might be wrong and I don't know your whole story but it's very unclear from your post whether the two of you have ever actually discussed your situation. All this sounds so familiar - daydreaming, hoping, going through all kinds of torture, considering being friends and clearly realizing that there is no way in hell I can handle it, dying to pour my heart out and being afraid of doing it - I did a heck of a lot of this myself instead of simply opening my mouth and saying "this is how I feel and what I want and please tell me what you think about it." Even if the answer is not what you want it to be - it's still better than not knowing where you stand.

And why do you feel funny posting? There is nothing wrong with having feelings and I don't think this is something that we should try to hide or be ashamed of. I don't see why I should pretend that I am emotionally strong when in fact I am not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 9:52am
Thanks everyone.

I agree that we have not really communicated effectively. I don't know if we will, but at least I will give it some thought.