New, Confused, and Need to Talk
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New, Confused, and Need to Talk
| Fri, 03-12-2004 - 7:03pm |
Hello, New to this message board chatting. In a e-relationship with an old flame who lives in another country. We chat almost daily. I think about him constantly and am toying with the idea of meeting up with him in the next few months. I am married, he is divorced. I love my husband - we have been married 20 years - but it has turned into a platonic relationship. Just looking for others to talk to this about; who can offer support and to whom I can give advice/support.

Try to capture the excitment that you had with your husband when you first met.
How would you feel if your husband did the same thing with another woman?
Married people do fall in love with others, but most don't act on it.
I have known the temptation, but figured that it would create lots of problems in a long run if I had acted on it.
Whew!!
You say you've had affairs before during your marriage and yet now you're concerned about hurting you're husband and losing you're DD. Why? What's different this time that your husband would necessarily find out about it when he obviously hasn't found about any of the others?
So, it sounds to me like you're looking for a some kind of substantial relationship with this guy when you say things like: "the one who got away" and "I can't bear to lose him". In your heart you're hoping that this time he won't "get away" and yet you say he isn't interested in any sort of committed relationship with you. What's wrong with that picture? Deep down, even if you haven't admitted it to yourself, you're looking for something, a future, that he isn't and you'll be the one who ends up with a broken heart. Are you prepared for that?
And yet you also say that you know your attraction to S is largely because you're trapped at home caring for your mother and that if you had another outlet, S wouldn't be as important to you as he is? So which is it? Is he merely someone relieving you from boredom, or is he "the one you don't want to let get away again".
I think you also said in your first post that you and S are now in different countries. Right? How do you plan on reconnecting in person? Is he the one who's going to travel to meet with you? Or are you hoping for someway to travel to him? If he isn't the one talking about making travel plans for himself, then he isn't really interested in reconsumating your relationship - he'll only do so if you turn up on his doorstep and offer it to him on a platter. What does that tell you?
I think you need to think long and hard about what it really is you want in your life before you pursue this relationship any further.