Tempted to Cheat-HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tempted to Cheat-HELP!
5
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 11:54am
Okay, I've never joined a message board, so this is difficult for me, but I really need help.

I have been working at my husband's office for almost a year. When I first came there, it was summer, and one of our friends who works with my husband had his 23 year old son working there during his vacation from college. Basically, sparks flew as soon as we met. I have been married happily for 13 years to a wonderful man who is faithful and sensitive to my needs. I never looked at anyone else, or felt that I wanted anyone else, until I met this young man.

It was so strong an attraction, I felt it was almost chemical in nature. He couldn't stop staring at me, I couldn't stop staring at him. What made things worse was that we worked together on projects, in a very cramped office. There were small touches we would steal from eachother-shoulders, back, etc. But we never discussed feelings, and never had an affair. He behaviors changed one day, and I realized that his father must have seen us and told him to keep his hands off.

Eventually, he went back to school. I missed him terribly, but I figured it was because of the attention I'd been getting, not because I had strong feelings for him. My husband and I discussed this young man's "infatuation" with me, and my husband said it was normal for a young man to try to attract an older woman, but he knew this young man had good morals and did not cross the line with me because of that... what my husband doesn't realize is that I also was infatuated with the young man, and came very close to cheating on him.

The young man comes back to work for my husband whenever there's a break in his studies. We are able to maintain a normal friendship, though the staring still continues. There's a lot of unspoken passion there, bridled by our will to do the right thing.

Here's my concern: He is graduating and working for my husband full time, starting this summer. I am afraid that once we see eachother all day, every day, the temptation will come back. I almost feel like I should give in-I will always love my husband and be with him, so why can't I have one experience with this man who drives me wild sexually?

On the other hand, my husband deserves my faithfulness. He has always been faithful to me.

What should I do? DO I cross the line, or not?

Thanks for your input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 12:16pm
Hon, at least be honest with yourself. It won't be one time. Not if it's as combustible as you're describing. So think in terms of having a full blown affair. Can you live with that? Do you understand what that would really mean long term and how much risk is involved? Anyone here will tell you it's wonderful to have someone 'extra' in their lives. But they will also tell you how the guilt builds up, how deceitful they feel, how many times we are lonely, afraid, jealous... etc. etc. I'm not trying to encourage or discourage you. I'm just saying enter in with your eyes wide open. And whatever you decide, we'll be here to offer advice and support. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:20pm
I agree with this and would add that the fact he will be working with you AND your husband is an explosive situation. That is a triangle compressed into one working environment and the jealousies could spill over into your everyday life. Look at it this way: If your affair is never discovered, it will still probably end at some point. Then you have to work with this guy and that will be very uncomfortable. If you are discovered, then his employment, your employment and your marriage will all be in jeopardy at once. I would advise you to stay away from this situation as much as you can. I realize you're human and a strong attraction like that is difficult to resist, but think about all the consequences. Good luck with everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 1:30pm
I thoroughly agree with SS...

Lust is a powerful emotion...

There are things you really need to think about here...

Yes, your family, but what about this kid?

I don't know what your age difference is, but anyone 23 to me is a kid...LOL...

Anyway, you say this is your husbands business...and that this young man will be starting his career there...

If you act on this lust you feel for him and your husband finds out, it could affect this young man's life and career forever...you seem like a caring compassionate woman, are you willing to start something in motion that would do that?

Every young man's fantasy seems to be to "DO" an older woman...

But this is way too close to home for you to be playing with this fire...and it seems that there will be an awful lot of people there who will be burned by it...

Just my very humble opinion...

~Laurie~







iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:14pm
I think 23 year old guy is waaay too young for you unless you want to be like Mrs. Robinson. I would consider if I want to give in to a fantasy and mess my otherwise perfectly good marriage. How do you know he really drives you wild sexually, really?? Why mess your life for this little boy?? JMHO
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:46pm
Hi! I think you have gotten some really good advice from everyone here. I can't add anything new, except just to say PROCEED WITH CAUTION! I am new to this whole thing too, and I can honestly say, it is a rollercoaster, complete with ups and downs. I don't work with OM, though, and I don't know if I did if I would be able to have an A with him. That's just too close for me.

Good luck with everything, and we'll be here when you need support!

:)

Circe