Another How do I let go . . .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Another How do I let go . . .
6
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 5:38pm
Brief


Edited 9/14/2004 2:18 pm ET ET by whatnow04
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 7:28pm
No real advice for you, I'm afraid. I'm in a similar situation myself right now and I just wanted to offer you some sympathy. MF (my MM friend) and I are starting NC because his W found out about our relationship and is currently on the warpath. I've had a lot of 'splainin to do with DH. I know MF and I need to work on our Ms so NC is really the best thing for us. But damn, it is nearly unbearable. Part of the time I'm numb. Part of me is in shock from the verbal abuse from his W. Part of me is scared. And overriding all these emotions is a great sadness. Tears are never far from the surface. It is very hard to keep from co-workers and family. All I can say is give yourself time. Be kind to yourself. Pamper yourself. Cry when you need to. Read a good book. Stay busy. Hang in there. I'll be trying all these things too. Just know you aren't alone.

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 10:04am
To both of you.... I'm so sorry. Your posts almost made me cry. I guess it's the hardest thing to say goodbye before you're ready. No advice really... just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you, hoping you're doing okay... and want to encourage you to come here to moan and groan as much as you need to. It's so hard to hide the emotions from someone who generally knows you well (like H). But maybe if you keep venting here it will help. Hugs to both of you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 1:51pm
Thank you Saturday for your kind words. I think I will post here about things. It helps to get them out in the open and I feel more comfortable here then on some of the other boards around. Actually, I've tried to post a couple times today but I'm just too mixed up and lost to put any coherent thoughts together. Will try again later. Anyway, thanks again!

WhatNow04 - hope you are OK. If you are out there, please check in and let us know how you are doing. Thinking of you!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 2:10pm
You sound just like me!!! I am madly in love with my MM. He says he loves me but he doesn't want to hurt anyone. We both have families. I recently told my husband that I don't have feelings for him. Since my MM doesn't want to continue our relationship, I have been trying to regain my feelings for my H. He doesn't know about the affair. He has been trying so hard and I have been trying to regain my feelings but I just can't. As long as MM is in my heart I can't love another. My MM is rejecting me slowly. He still talks to me anytime I want to talk but anytime I ask to meet him he says he doesn't think it's a good idea. He reassures me that this is hard for him too. I think the best way is to end it slowly. We try to talk about other things instead of our relationship. We are trying to develope a friendship. He maintains that he doesn't want me out of his life and he doesn't want to give our time up but feels that we should before someone gets hurt. Unfortunately, I am the one who is hurt. I cried all the time for awhile but it's been two weeks and things are slightly getting easier. It still hurts and I dream that he will one day decide to be with me but deep down I know that will never happen. You're right, this sucks!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 3:43pm
Thanks


Edited 9/14/2004 2:22 pm ET ET by whatnow04
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 03-17-2004 - 8:00am
"I really hate being alone"

Oh boy can I relate to that!!! One of the reasons I got into this whole mess to begin with is that I spend way too much time alone. DH and I work opposite schedules during the week so that we can care for our kids. On weekends he's got a number of commitments related to hobbies/sports. I figured out that in the next 5.5 weeks we will spend a total of 7.5 days together. This whole situation has opened DH's eyes and he is making an effort to cut back - which I appreciate. But then at the same time I feel guilty that he's giving up something he really enjoys doing because of me. I feel like I've failed him somehow. How twisted is that? Speaking of twisted, MF (my MM) and I are still communicating. Not much, and very carefully but communicating. We care deeply for each other - it is soooooo hard to just walk away forever.

ANYWAY, what I'm really trying to say is I understand where you are coming from. It is very, very hard. Try to find something you enjoy doing and focus on that to help you through the next few weeks. I am playing board games with the kids every day, watching movies that I love and reading a good book. These things help a little. Wish I could say they helped a lot, but I'm afraid only time will do that.

Hang in there!

GB2