Future custody issues
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| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 1:14pm |
I've been studying shared custody for my kids because I feel it would be the best situation for them. My W never really bonded with my oldest son (now 4) and I feel I have been the primary caregiver. I give him most of his baths, wipe his butt, cook half the meals, do most of the discipline, etc. And if he is sick or upset, he ALWAYS wants me. If it were just him, I know we'd be fine with shared custody where we split time. My concern is with the infant that will be born later this year. My intent has been to stay in the house the first couple of months after he is born and then move out. I had intended to do the same custody situation with him but as I research, I'm getting conflicting reports on what is best for an infant. Some experts say an infant shouldn't be moved back and forth between residences. Others say the attachment to both parents is so important that shared custody is a good thing. Based on the way my W was with my first son, I'm concerned with her having full custody and me only having visitation.
So I guess I wanted to know if any of you have researched this at all or have any studies I could read. If it comes down to my W having full custody or us having shared custody, is it better for the baby to possibly have to live two places or to live one place but with a parent who hasn't exhibited the ability to form a close attachment?
In case you can't tell, I'm a little distraught over this today. Thanks for anything you have to offer.

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Edited 3/17/2004 2:23 pm ET ET by funnyface03
Sorry, but being a mother of 3 (including twins) I think the baby is better to be with the mother for the first 6 months to 2 years.
There is no way in the world I would have let my H take my babies away from me when they were newborns.
Edited 3/17/2004 2:29 pm ET ET by funnyface03
Why is it you think the baby is better to be with the mother for the first 6 months to two years? My W doesn't breast feed. I changed at least as many diapers and did at least as many feedings as she did. My son does have a stronger bond with me than he does with her and has his entire life. What about this suggests my new son would be better off without me in his life at least as much as she is?
Also..I thought I had read she used the kids against you when fighting..can I just say in my experience that when it came down to it..seperation...divorce is all said and done...your wife will want and look forward to that 'kid free' time when they are at your house. Good Luck..and hope ya all dont mind me 'intruding' on your board. ((hugs))
I think you're a little prejudiced also because you are breaking up your M and I don't see how you can say the mother won't make a close bond with this child, you don't even know yet.
I know men change diapers, etc. I could see you living close by and visiting alot but I think there are studies out there that show the baby really needs to bond with the main caregiver and that is usually the mother. If you are trying to convince a judge otherwise I think you will have a hard time as I can't imagine any judge in the country ordering custody of a newborn away from the mother unless she is unfit.
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