I have made such a mess!!!
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I have made such a mess!!!
| Wed, 03-17-2004 - 6:50pm |
I have made such a mess of my life, I've been involved with this man for 4 years out of the 9 years I've been married. We both love each other but, can't bear the thought of tearing apart the families we have at home. I know if we get caught thats worse but, I can't stand the thought of losing my relationship with my guy either. My husband is good to me and I can't really pinpoint what's missing all I know is it's not getting better and I don't work full time and don't have the money to support myself and my kids. I know the simple thing to do is end my affair but, I don't think emotionally I can handle it I lean on it when things are bad at home. Please someone tell me how to deal- I hear all kinds of things from my friends, I'm beginning to think I'm hell bent on self distruction.

I realize my response was absolutely no help at all but I guess what everybody has been saying to me is that I need to make some decisions. We need to dig deep down and figure out what the heck it is that will make us happy, take the necessary steps to make that happen and stick to it. The act of making a decision can bring us some relief.
I love my DH. I do. And to be fair to him and to myself I have to give DH a chance. I have to give our M a chance. I need to put some real effort into it. And I'm trying. But DH isn't around very much which, I've discovered, is one of the big problems in my M. So it's a struggle. But I have to do it because otherwise I'll never know what decision to make, never know how to be happy. At the same time, my feelings for MF are still there. They aren't going to disappear or evaporate. I've got to deal with them. And to be honest, I WANT him in my life. I do. Rightly or wrongly, there it is.
So what I'm trying to say in my rambling, roundabout way is I agree with you dementedelf. We have to figure out what is wrong and see if it can be fixed before we can really do anything with our lives. We have to resolve the issues that brought us to our current situation. Easier said than done, of course. :o(
Best of luck and many hugs to both of you. At least we know we aren't alone in our struggles.