Feeling down...yet again

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Feeling down...yet again
13
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 11:42am
I don't know why, but I'm feeling down again today. It has been almost a month since I was able to see my OW and unfortunately, I won't be able to see her for at least two more months. We talk almost every night on IM and the phone, but it seems we are drifting apart a bit lately. We both have busy lives so sometimes we are tired late at night. I guess I just feel like she has been a little distant lately. I know that is to be expected. But I've had jealousy problems in the past and I don't want to let those out again so I am coming here to vent. I know she loves me and even though she doesn't have to be faithful to me (she is S and I am M), she has been and continues to be. So I really have nothing to be jealous about, but she tells me about her day and everytime she mentions a guy showing her attention I feel pangs of jealousy. It doesn't happen that often, but when it does it is kind of like a punch in the stomach. I think it is because I'm so far away and I know I can't see her right now. So again, I don't really know what I'm looking for, just a pick-me-up I guess. Thanks everyone.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:00pm
Omaha -- what you're feeling is so natural. I call it MM-withdrawal... in your case OW-withdrawal. Our partners complete us, so we feel only partly there when we can't have contact. She sounds like a wonderful, loving woman and you guys have so many good things ahead of you. She's lucky to have you and you're blessed to have her. Telling her that you're jealous and needing her, as long as you don't get to intense, is okay... when MM tells me that (all the while I know we have no chains around each other) it makes me feel so cherished and warm. Use it as therapy for both of you. I know it's not the same, but I'm sending a big ((((((hug))))))) your way. You're an amazing, bright, loving man. She is a fortunate woman.

I'd tell you a joke.. but I'm so bad at it that it would probably really push you over the edge. Cheer up, honey. We love you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:16pm
see Omaha, what we married people go through? I know there are lots of single posters that think it cakewalk (or cakeeating depending on their attitude) for the married person. I don't get very jealous when my OM goes on date and he does because I cannot promise him to be out of my marriage soon like you have done. You can't hold on to somebody selfishly, its only going cause resentments. Plus,it is hard for anybody to be in such a situation because I know he also gets jealous when I mention men here and there. I don't even do it intentionally, most of the time I am pretty clueless until I see *green*. LOL All I tell him is I don't even see anything about these guys that could be called close to interesting as him. That seems to satisfy him but that's the truth.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:42pm
Thank you both for your kind words. I know that it is silly of me to be jealous because if she wanted to just call this off and move on with her life, she certainly would be within her rights. And yet through all of this difficulty, she has stood by me and been there for me. I really think it is the distance and time that is killing me.

I know she has told me that she never means to make me jealous and is really just describing her day. I mean she is human like the rest of us so when someone shows interest it does flatter her. And I understand that. She also always tells me that even though some of these guys may be attractive, she isn't attracted to them because she has me. And I am all she'll ever want. :)

So again, I know my jealousies are silly, but I do have them. In some ways, I should be glad because with my W, I was never jealous for some reason. It was like I never cared enough to be jealous. It's hard to explain. But I love this girl more than I ever thought possible. I'm prepared to get hurt if that is the ultimate outcome too. She's worth that risk.

Thanks again for helping me get past this. You're both sweethearts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-17-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:42pm
I thought I would take the opportunity to ask a man why he does what he does. Why if you love your OW don't you leave you W? I know it's not that easy, but it seems like men are more satisfied with having an on going A than women are. It seems like eventually women want more. I know you can't speak for all men, but I'd at least like to get your point of view.

Thanx,

Unsure

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:47pm
I realize you haven't read my other posts, so let me just say that I am leaving my W. Not for the OW, but because my M has been wrong for me for years. I do hope to build a relationship with the OW though. If I wasn't leaving my M, I would have let her go. It would be so unfair for me to put her through this if there was no hope. That's just my opinion though. So I guess I want more too. But then, I'm not your typical man either.
Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:55pm
Omaha,

i just wanted to say you are in my thoughts. i know this must be a very hard time with you, dealing with the emotions of the divorce and being apart from your love. Hang in there, you will come out on the other side happier!

Hang in,

jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:24pm
hi omaha -- sorry i've been MIA but i'm back and just wanted to tell you to hang in there and just get through each day.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:32pm
If it makes you feel any better - I've so been there. I'm still there sometimes. You can call it "withdrawal", my lady says I have a severe case of separation anxiety - no matter what you call this it's the toughest thing that I've ever had to deal with in my entire life. When all you want is to see her, hug her, shower her with kisses - and all you have is just the voice on the telephone. And you are analyzing every phrase, every word, even a slight change in the tone - "are we still OK? Does she still feel the same way she felt yesterday? Oh God, she sounds a bit distant today!" And jealousy that's eating you up alive... I don't even want to go there.

Let me hazard a guess that it's mostly your imagination and insecurities that make you feel this way - if I am not mistaken so far she hasn't given you any reasons for not trusting her. I am thinking - you say you will not be able to see her for two months. How about finding the time - in spite of how impossible or hard it may be? even if it's just one day, even if just a few hours - that's a crazy suggestion, I understand. But I'm sure this meeting, however brief, will bond you more than any telephone calls or IM's ever have or will.

I don't know what else to tell you, my man. I'd tell you to hang in there and try to be strong but that would be corny and pointless. How is it possible to stay strong when you just can't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:58pm
WOOOHOOO!!! You are back!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 1:59pm
Omaha - just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I've been in your OWs situation and while I'm sure things are difficult for her too, if she loves you, she's okay. Try to focus on your memories and your feelings and take full advantage of your IMs and phone calls - these are a great way to get closer and closer. I agree with Boston - if there's anyway to get a few minutes with her, do so for both of your sakes. You've already made a decision regarding your M, so you aren't risking anything there.

Try to take care of yourself too - I know that can be hard sometimes. Hugs.

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