New here...confusion..questions...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
New here...confusion..questions...
3
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 11:55am

Hi everyone, I have been lurking for a while now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 12:12pm
Hi GR.. welcome to the board. For MM and I, first thing we did was talk about our expectations. I needed to make sure we weren't expecting too much or too little from each other. Our rule is, no harm can come to our spouses. That means we don't flirt with danger (any more than we have to), no disrespecting the other person's spouse, no jealousy, no promises. We acknowledge that we love each other, so it isn't just sex. But we're both in our 40's, have no interest in breaking up our families, and recognize that we can give something to each other that no one else can.

I don't think anyone can tell you how to set the rules for your situation, but I would caution you to be sure and get everything on the table before you take another step. The one thing that is so critical is that you need to TELL NO ONE. If you really want to keep H from being hurt, there is no one you can trust -- except us of course. And even on the board I would caution you to be careful of names, dates, too many specific details.

Most important, make sure this is making you happy and is not just scratching a vague itch that might go away. Or that your actions will (in the long run) make you miserable. Then face the fact that, by the nature of the R, it may not last forever.

We're glad you're here... you found the right place. Let us know how it goes and if we can help. The guys and gals here are awesome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-18-2004 - 10:44pm

thanks bunches.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:11am
Communicate your expectations and find out what he expects from the relationship. Personally, I think it is important that the playing field is even. I am happily M and having an A with a happily MM. The playing field is even, with both of us not wanting to leave our M.

Enjoy the early stages of your relationship and remember that an A can complicate things.