A sad realization
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A sad realization
| Thu, 03-18-2004 - 8:55pm |
OK - me again.... tonight my MM and I saw each other at the arena. In fact, I asked if I could sit next to him. Other parents were sitting a little bit around us but I think it looked natural. We kidded alot but I think I came to the sad realization that we are friends and may be nothing more. Don't get me wrong- he flirted and we talked about getting together for lunch(he told me his thigh was cold- those of you who know my story understand what this means). I guess I can take this as a sign he's still interested. He joked about him coming with me on one of my biz trips too. However, we kid so much that I feel weird trying to be sexy/flirty. I don't know- it just felt 'nice' this evening. I still want something with this MM but I'm wondering if we are alas...destined to be friends. Which I guess is fine too. I'm not sure what to do next? I hate for the 'spark' to be gone. It's not with me but I wonder...
I'm feel empty and at loose ends with this...

And one more thing and I hope you give it some serious thought. I've been following your posts and it's become very clear to me that you are not cut out for a strictly sexual affair. You tend to become emotionally invested before it even starts. Be honest with yourself. It's very possible that it's emotional closeness, not sexual, that you really crave.
Now that I've recognized the problems in my M, I'm finally at peace with who I am. I have no desire to cheat sexually because I know that what I really seek is a truly connected relationship. And luckily for me, I have found that with my OW. I don't know that vles would be looking for anything to the level that I was, but it is worth thinking about. If nothing else, it should provide her some clarity in her life and regarding exactly what she wants out of this possible A.
As for my friend- I'm not looking for him to leave W and kids. And I don't think he ever would.
I'm not really the head-case I make myself out to be really. Thanks Bos. I do value and will heed your advice.