Leave marriage for OM-what if it flops?
Find a Conversation
Leave marriage for OM-what if it flops?
| Fri, 03-19-2004 - 4:48pm |
A little background - I have been with my H for 10 years...married 3. It isn't miserable, but it isnt happy. He is very emotionally abusing, and I have taken it ever since we got together. Our M is comfortable and predictable, but I am not happy. I don't flutter when he is around. And, I'm always walking on glass wondering if what I say will set him off into a yelling, name calling fit. I'm tired of being beat down to feel like I am 2 inches tall. But, when he is nice - when he is apologizing - when all is ok - he is a wonderful man. I'm so confused. I've thought about leaving numerous times and never did...always was the one to run back crying and say 'don't leave me'. He threatens me with our relationship alot too and I don't think that is right. I know that he loves me and cares for me greatly - and he depends on our relationship. But, I feel like I have given up alot for him. I am young - and we started dating right out of high school. All of my dreams have been put on hold - he doesn't want to travel, live on a beach, etc...We have no children yet, so I keep thinking why do I stay here when i am not happy? Lets get out now instead of ten years later when there are more things at stake. But, I don't want to dissapoint his family, mine, friends, etc. And, to make it worse, I've met another who makes me feel wonderful. It started as friends, and progressed into more. Now, I can't imagine him not in my life. He supports me, gives me respect, and loves me unconditionally. Maybe five years from now he will find something that he doesn't like about me - or vice versa - and it will fall apart. But, I want to try. I want to go for my dreams. I want to stand up and make ME happy. I want to see where this will lead. If anything, I will part from the new relationship just happy that he helped me get the confidence to be on my own. I'm scared - I've been the 'girlfriend' for as long as I can remember. Never on my own. But, I think I can do it. And, I think it is best to end this now. Am I crazy for wanting out and wanting to go for this new relationship to see where it takes me??? It seems too good to be true, but I feel like I will be missing out on alot if I don't give it a chance???

It sounds like you know what you want to do. And if you leave H, do it for YOU, not for OM. You're at the perfect time still, no kids, if you leave, you can make a clean break and start over. Its a scary thought I know, but it sounds like you would be happier starting over. And don't worry about family, friends, etc. They will adjust to it, divorce is a fact of life, it happens to everyone. They have to understand that you are unhappy and need to make a change in your life while you still can.
And still see OM of course. But if things don't work out with him down the road, at least you know you left your H for the right reasons, and you should feel secure in the knowledge that you are doing what is right for YOU.
Nobody deserves to be in an abusive and/or controlling relationship. And after you are out of it, you will feel so much better about yourself. And then to have the love of someone who appreciates you and will treat you the way you deserve, you will thank yourself for having the courage to do it.
My MM is my best friend and he is such a big help through all of this. He listens and gives me advice. He has been great throughout this whole ordeal and has said he will always be there for me. I really do love him.