BadKitty- Question for U

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
BadKitty- Question for U
10
Sun, 03-21-2004 - 4:02pm
I know you say to be patient and I guess I have no other choice. I guess what I'm asking is how do I slow myself down? You said before to keep making lunch plans and the more he sees me the more I'll be on his mind. We talked on Friday via email and phone and will probably get together this week (I hope) for lunch. What next? We work 20 miles from each other so a weekly lunch thing is out of the question. Hockey will be over in early May and then I will not see him unless this 'thing' has moved to the next level. At least that's what my gut tells me now.

Advice?? I am so lost. And yes, I am emotionally attached. I know this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 8:21am
Vles, you and OM have been flirting for quite a while via email, right? After May, when the hockey is over, you think he'll suddenly stop emailing you. Well, just to be honest. He might. But he might not. This is probably where the rubber will hit the road, so to speak. If he continues to email you, the flirtation and the beginnings of an affair will continue. If he stops emailing, then the flirtation might just go on a hiatus, until the next time your kids are in a league together, and will start right back up once he sees you again. Or lastly, it might end for good. I don't know which course it will take.

As for your question, how do you slow yourself down? Girl, I don't know. I was on the other end. I don't know how my OM was so patient. He always just tells me I was worth the wait. You have to decide if he's worth it.

All I know is that through all of our flirtation, my OM was never far from my mind.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:08am
BK- Found out last nite that our kids will be in the same summer clinic together. That is a relief. I know now that we will keep seeing each other. He flrited last nite with me about some room in the back of the arena that we could go to and no one would be able to get in. Again, he talks like this when he knows darn well, this would never happen. But, I am keeping the faith that if he really did NOT have interest, he would not talk like this to my face. Also, the way I act around him in person is MUCH more reserved and less vagrantly flirtatious than any of my emails. So maybe he wonders about my intentions as well? Am I just a big-time flirt with him but not REALLY serious about ever pulling the trigger??? I know I wonder about his intentions. He says he wants to have a 'liquid lunch'. If it takes booze to get him to pull the trigger, then man, I will feel nothing but cheap. But he's not that kind of a person, really. It was probably a joke. It's like we joke but have nice, meaningful conversations face to face; however our emails are nothing but sexual and almost to the point of soft porn. Maybe we our both cowards! Yes, I need to be patient. It's hard and I commend your OM for this patience!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:34pm
Vles, your relationship with OM will only escalate. Most relationships either grow or die, but never stay the same for too long. This is just the beginning. I think the liquid lunch implication was for courage... He's still going over in his mind if he can take the next step. This thought process is different for everyone. Some people don't have to think too hard about it, while others (like me) have to really ponder. Sounds as if he's REALLY interested, you are doing everything right. Only time will tell right now!! Good Luck Girl...KEEP ME POSTED!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:57pm
Just another perception, but maybe the "liquid lunch" comment meant something entirely different than booze - if you know what I mean. All I know, is that if my MM or myself mention liquids, it's definitely not alcohol. LOL..

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 1:11pm
Listen, hon, I've said it once and I'll say it again - just because he is not moving at your pace doesn't mean he is not interested. Give it time, he'll come around, this flirting cannot go on forever. In the meantime - do something to get you mind off this, you are driving yourself crazy. I am not sure what it is exactly that women do to stop being obsessed, I used to work out to near exhaustion - not good, but it helped. I am not saying that you should do that, but you get my point, don't you? Anything that will help you to stop thinking about this too much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 3:11pm
Boston --

That's some good advice. I know I have a tendency to obsess over things with MM which is bad for 2 reasons. I tend to put unnecessary pressure on him and I drive myself insane wondering about every little thing. Things always seem to go so much better when my mind is occupied elsewhere and things just happen naturally. Now that the weather is warming up perhaps I'll take up rollerblading again to get me out of the house and doing soemthing.

Hang in there vles64. If you can do as Boston said and try to find something else to focus on when you're not talking to MM. I know from experience that is easier said than done but if you can manage it, it will help.

luv

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 3:39pm
You are all right- I am obsessing because he is not on my tme frame. I work out every day but will just work harder. It does get my mind off of things. My travel schedule is picking up as well so that's a good too. Can I ask one other thing? Someone mentioned that some men can be intimidated by strong, successful, attractive woman. I certainly hold a higher position within my company than he does at his work. Plus, being 6 yrs older than him, does any of this factor into his attraction to me and/or cold feet? I do not want to intimidate him or 'control' him. I do have a tendency though to take charge. Do you think this makes him nervous of me or the situation I elude to. I joked with him last week that he could not travel with me as sex toys need to be packable and he's never fit in my suitcase. I thought it was a cutey, flirty thing. Do I scare him with my boldness?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 4:52pm
You are trying so hard to convince him that it's a "no-big-deal-sexual-only-thing" for you that you are going a bit overboard. In all honesty, I wouldn't be overly pleased if a woman - even if I only wanted a sexual fling with her - called me a sex toy no matter how jokingly. You really need to chill out or you will eventually push him away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 8:22pm
Bos- I guess I do need to become human. And yes, I am a little tired of myself and the constant sexual talk and/or inuendos. I think I will try to be well, a kind, funny woman with a caring heart. I think that's part of what attracted him to me maybe in the first place. I was witty with him, playful yet fun.

We'll see where this leads me.

Thanks tons.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 9:54pm
Way to go, hon, way to go. There is nothing more appealing than a kind, witty, playful, coquettish, affectionate woman with a caring heart.

I sympathize with you, vles, I really do. I know all too well what a loveless, emotionless, sexless marriage is like.