I need advice!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
I need advice!!!
1
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 12:38am
Hey everybody, well i havent posted in awhile and i miss yall so i wanted to see how everyone was doing. I have a dilemma and i really need all the good advice i can get because my decision could change my life either for the better or worse. Ok, well my MM and I have been seeing each other for a year now and the relationship is not going so good for me. In the beginning i told him that i was in love with him and he told me at the time that he didnt feel love for me just yet and he wanted to wait until he was ready to say those words to me, well we still kept on seeing each other and now a year later my MM finally told me he loves me but it wasnt face to face, it was by just chatting on the computer, that didnt bother me though b/c he is the type of man who doesnt show emotion very well so just for me to hear those three little words i was on cloud nine. I asked him when did he realize his feelings were that strong for me and he said "it has been awhile." I also asked him why didnt he tell me sooner b/c here i am thinking he would never feel that much for me and he said he just doesnt say i love you to really anybody, so that really made me giddy. Now it's been 2 weeks almost 3 and i havent heard anything from him, no im's, no emails, not even a phone call and it's starting to really upset me. I just dont understand how he could say he loves me and then just dissappear like that. I asked him if he wanted to see me and he said he does but now his actions are speaking louder than his words. We do live 45 mins away from each other so it is hard to find the time to be together. I just want to be able to see him and cherish those times but it seems like everything else is more important than me, i love him and i have been patient but now it's just gotten really bad and when i say something about it, he acts like there's nothing wrong with our relationship so my question is should i just let this go even though i am in love with him and want a life with him one day? Or do i just hang in the relationship and hope it gets better. I am so sorry this is so long but i do want to hear from you guys and how u feel about this situation. Thanks for taking the time to read this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 8:53am
I'm sorry georgia. It seems to me that he is probably scared. He said he doesn't tell anyone he loves them (to me, this is a bad sign). Well telling you that probably fired up his fight or flight response and like most commitment-phobic men, he ran away. He may very well come back and hopefully begin to show you that he loves you rather than just saying it. I would tread carefully though as I really think this may be the type of guy who could hurt you. You say you live 45 minutes away so it is hard to get together. I only wish I lived that close to my OW. We are over 3 hours away. I still managed to spend three nights with her in the past two months. Unfortunately I'm going through a period now where I won't see her for two months and it is killing me. But I still e-mail her at least once a day and we talk on the phone just about every night. I'm not saying you should expect this much contact, but I get really annoyed by guys who say one thing but then do the opposite.

I don't think you are ready to let him go right now. You love him. I guess I would say hang in there and hope he comes around. But prepare yourself for the worst also. Just be strong and do things that make you happy. Don't sit around the computer waiting for him to contact you. Good luck with everything.