Tonight is a hard night!
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Tonight is a hard night!
| Wed, 03-24-2004 - 9:33pm |
SO, I have been in the affair for three months. I know, short lived. I knew it was coming to an end. I'd wished there had been more times. Tonight I feel like crying. In fact, that's what I have been doing. I never thought I would ever be in this position. Not that i don't mind it, it's just now I have to say good-bye to something great! I've known this OM for about three years now. And I know I will never see him again. Sometimes I wonder why me. Something good happens and now it is over. Just like that! Tomorrow is going to be dreadful. It is the last day I get to see him. I leave for a weekend trip on Friday. He leaves to move across country and with his wife on Saturday. Today he tells me " I wish I could be here to be a support for you". That was in reference to some other crap going on. I feel like the support he has been, the friend he has been...all gone. Was it worth it? Yes, even through all this pain.
I keep asking myself so many questions. Why won't he leave his wife? Was it just sex? Blah Blah, I know that won't get me anywhere. There's a million reasons why we do what we do. Doubting the whole experience just takes away what we had. I know he had troubles, I know he had some deep feelings enough to even consider having an affair with me. I know that when he leaves, he will miss me too. I know he will think of me when he is alone. We are so compatible that it's frustrating. It is the first time I have been with someone that was compatible. And now it is over.
So now, I have told myself, it is OK to cry, it is the best way to let it all out.
I keep asking myself so many questions. Why won't he leave his wife? Was it just sex? Blah Blah, I know that won't get me anywhere. There's a million reasons why we do what we do. Doubting the whole experience just takes away what we had. I know he had troubles, I know he had some deep feelings enough to even consider having an affair with me. I know that when he leaves, he will miss me too. I know he will think of me when he is alone. We are so compatible that it's frustrating. It is the first time I have been with someone that was compatible. And now it is over.
So now, I have told myself, it is OK to cry, it is the best way to let it all out.

You'll be in my thoughts. ((((HUGS))))