My Last Day Here!!
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| Thu, 03-25-2004 - 2:19pm |
We talked (he talked, I cried) for a while. I understand, I really do!. We said goodbye.
Then I got back to work, looking like a piece of crap I might add, and I thought I should recriprocate with my own very last letter to him. I would like to share it with you guys, this board has been a blessing to me. So here it is:
'I wasn't going to do this, it's against my better judgement because it makes me look weak, and I have been honest with you througout this relationship about my feelings, so many of the things I say you probably already know.
I will not pretend that I'm not sad - I am - but that is my issue to deal with. I've brought it on myself, I knew the consequences going in so, please don't feel bad or guilty (not implying that you do - just saying in case).
I am the person that became emotionally attached - again my problem, not yours. I have to say that I'm am very glad that I wasn't the type of teenage girl to sleep with every boyfriend and I used to be proud that I could say that the only person I ever slept with was my husband - but, I am so thankful that the only other person I have allowed myself to go that far with (and I was ready for), is someone with your integrity and lovingness - I wouldn't have had it any other way. And, I am proud of that.
I will agree with you that my marriage is the same as it always has been, and that our relationship has shed light on my inner self and what I want and do not want in a relationship. I would have like to work on it, with my husband which is why I told him my feelings for you.
Anyway, I do love you and I have for a long time - even before this started. Okay, maybe at first, when I worked at xxxxxxx it was infatuation, but my feelings for you developed into love, whether you want to believe that or not is your issue (if an issue at all), not mine. I feel blessed to love you. I believe you were sent to my path of life for good reasons, not bad. I learned things that I needed to about myself, by being with you. I will get over this.
To be honest, I'm not sure what I expected, or where I thought it might lead.
Anyway, I will treasure our "relationship" and all the times we spent together, forever. And, you have to know that I am here for you always.
I wasn't crying to make you feel bad. I'll miss you. Revelation - when my grandmother died, it was the saddest time in my life (since I'd never lost a person close to me in that way before). It took me a very long time to get over it and I thought about her every single day, I went to the cemetary often, and I would just sit there and talk to her and sometimes cry. It occurred to me recently, that yes, I do still think about her, but not every day. And the ache in my heart did lessen, although at the time I didn't think it ever could. I do not go to the cemetary as often. I still love her and always will. That is how I feel about us. Today, my heart is breaking and I will probably cry for quite a while, but not forever. I think I will occassionally go to our park, especially once it's gets nice out, and I will talk to you there, and let my feelings out there - until eventually I won't have to go so often. I won't think about you every day, just every so often - and I will still love you - but it just won't hurt so much!
Bye
K"
So, thank you all for your input over the past week or so (I can't believe I didn't find you sooner).
My thoughts are with you all. Thank you.
Edited 4/22/2004 9:09 am ET ET by red_bella

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((((((RED))))))))))
~BadKitty
Anyways, you take care. I may be joining you soon the Ending My Affair board.
Dusty
Oh sweety, I am crying too...
I am so sorry it all has worked out that way for you...
I know that what I'm about to say is probably just going to sound like I'm putting balm on your wounds...but...
From your posts, you seem like a strong strong woman...and as hard as this is right now, you're leaving it with your head held high...and I admire you for that...
I'm not sure if when my MM and I end it if I'll be able to be that civilized with it...
Go cry...go scream...go throw things...
You have the right and the need to do that...
(((((((((((((((red))))))))))))))))
And stand tall...as tough as that will be...
~Laurie~
And don't leave us...we're here for you when you're feeling bad and need us in the future too, when you're aching for him...because you will...we'll listen and hug as we have done through all....
GB2
I admire his honesty with you. But even more so, I admire the mature way you are handling this. Your letter was well written and very clear on how you felt. It left no room for questions or confusion. The only thing I am wondering is where you wrote that you would still be there for him sexually. Do you really want to leave yourself open for that? Are you feeling like you will take what you can get with him? No doubt you love this guy. And the last thing you want to get caught up in..is him thinking he can just have sex with you and nothing else. Unless you're like me and happy with that. Which you are obviously not.
Sweetie, there is no need to stop visiting here. It's my first day here and already I feel such an overwhelming wave of support and good people. You are in a position to be giving advice out with your experience now.
Hugs to you as much as you need them. We're here.
I'm thinking of you.
Oh Red honey... my heart goes out to you ((((((((hugehugs)))))))) you sound like such an amazingly strong woman... and if I know the type of person you are... you WILL get through this and go for what you want.
I have no words of wisdom for you here... but know that you are more than welcome to stay on board with those that care for you.
I also just wanted to share these quotes with you... which in your letter... I think you know only too well anyway.
"You never stop loving someone you truly loved, you just learn how to live without them"
"Don't cry because it's over... cry because it happened"
luv and hugs
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
(((Red))), I'm so sorry.
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