scared of no good-bye

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
scared of no good-bye
10
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 6:25pm
How many of you have had an affair end without a good-bye? My last one did and it about killed me ! I can't deal with no good-bye. The MM I love with all my heart promised me he would never do that to me. No contact with me for 7 days now. He is trying to get everything ready for his brake up of his marrige. He doesn't want me to get hurt in the process . He has put me on hold to work the stuff out. I feel so unwanted. I feel like I should be there for him. Of course he knows I am here for him. This is the hardest thing I have been through. Knowing that he cares but has other things to think about , like starting over by himself and keeping his kids feelings from as much hurt as possible. The whole brake up thing with Bella has sent my mind wondering. I am all alone in this world and only have people I work with to talk to. I can't talk to them about my feelings. I am feeling alot insecure. Got to be strong and think positive thoughts!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 9:20am
I have had to deal with no good-bye endings with MM all the time. At first time it hurt a lot but now I am used to it. Sometimes its the nature of the beast (I mean the R). Last we had a NC it was almost a year and it was most awful year. I wouldn't wish it on my enemy. I wish you strength and sending calming vibes your way.

Its a seering pain in your heart that tears it apart. And the sad part is there is nobody in this world except for this board that can be told about it. BTDT. *sigh*


Edited 3/26/2004 10:27 am ET ET by learning_french

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 9:54am
*poof* I am working my magic on you now. MM call trouble, MM call trouble, MM call trouble.... Anytime now.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 10:12am
Hi xxx. I've had NC with MM since last Tuesday, so its been over a week for me too. I knew he was busy and had a couple out of town trips planned for work, but still, it sucks that he doesn't even have the time to say hi.

I also got a bad feeling after reading Red Bella's story on here yesterday. Last time I talked to MM last week, he said he wanted to get together this week. And here it is Friday, I haven't even heard from him all week long!!

Anyways, we did go thru a NC of about 8 weeks, and there was no goodbye then either. Just limbo-land for me, not knowing what the heck was going on.

I hope I hear from him soon, and you hear from your MM too. Because I haven't got a goodbye from him, I assume he will be in touch again and hopefully soon. Take care,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 11:45am
Oh, trouble and dusty - I'm so sorry if my post made you girls feel insecure. Please don't.

I'm really in no position to give advice today (wait until you see the update to my post), but I just want you to know that I know how you feel.

But, as my XMM told me yesterday - "if you think negative thoughts, the negative will happen, but if you think positive thoughts, positive things will happen"

So, stay positive, please - and I'm sure you will both receive the positive loving from your guys soon! Even though we "broke up", my XMM still cares about me very much - I spoke to him this morning - and I just know that yours do as well. They'll call. You'll see them soon. I just know it! And, it will be great!


Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 4:24pm
I just don't know what I could have done to deserve this kind of treatment. I keep running everything thru my head and it does not make sense. I never had to go thru this with him. He is not like this. but yet he is doing it! If he would just contact me I could deal you know?!If he found someone else or was sick or whatever else , I just need to know. He knows me. There is no way in this world or any other that he is not thinking about what this is doing to me. My kids are just telling me WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR MARRIED MAN NOW! It makes my heart feel like it has been stabbed with a knife everytime they ask me SO DID HE CALL??? How can they have respect for me when I can't even keep a man that showed them he love me and then just dissapeared . I have to keep my self-esteem . I can't make it by myself without it! For some stupid reason , it is all hooked together for me.I am having bad thoughts about ending the pain. That scares me. I have got to quit that! I am wishing we all hear from our loves soon too !
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 4:34pm
you go girl!!! Keep the magic coming! thanks for the chuckle! My sense of humor has took a dive lately and everyone has noticed. Need inspiration from you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 4:48pm
OK...wheres my P***ed emoticon...

This man is treating you shabbily...you don't deserve that...

You've said his W knows about you...so screw it...call his house...

You deserve to know what's going on...

I don't care how many other boards tell the wife to tell the hubby to have no contact...if it is an ending you DO deserve closure...

Just out of respect for you...

YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!!!!

OK...off my soapbox...

~LAURIE~


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 12:37am


What do you mean, the other boards tell the wife to make the husband end it without a goodbye? You're kidding, right? Seems to me that's just a great way to wind up with lots and lots and lots of unresolved feelings on _his_ part, much less the OW/OM's part.

Great! Just what I need...Something else to feel insecure over the weekends about. LOL

(Actually, I shouldn't feel insecure. He rarely lets a day go by without _at least_ an email. He knows better ;) )

Cazrida

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 1:09am
I was looking on the Betrayed spouses board, because 3 years ago I was on the other side of all this...I must admit I like this side better...

But this was one of the little "tidbits" I gleaned from one of the posters...



DON'T let spouse "gently break it off" with the OW/OM (i.e. DON'T let the spouse seek "closure" with the OW/OM. There are differing opinions on this one. Sometimes it is necessary, but the best option for your marriage is for spouse to break it off, cleanly and immediately.)



I would hope that none of our MM would do that...


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 03-27-2004 - 1:30am


Well, I can't say that I would want my spouse to have a huge, long, fall into each others' arms and one last time closure meeting, but I think I have enough good sense and compassion to know that there is someone else hurting in the situation and leaving with no goodbye is a good way to hurt my spouse _and_ our marriage.

(Yes, I was betrayed before. But we didn't have these boards back then, so I've never seen their advice.)

Of course, I also didn't try to stay and work it out. That was the last straw for me. I'm not sure how I would feel if I were going to try to make a marriage work after an affair. Loss of trust is almost impossible to overcome, and maintaining love without trust is a losing proposition.

I certainly hope that none of our MM/MW would do anything like that! I can tell you that my MM wouldn't. I'd dig him out of his grave, just to personally replace him if he did. LOL



Cazrida