please help me i am so depressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
please help me i am so depressed
4
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 8:27am

Ok where do i start, i have been lurking on these boards for months looking for answers so I finally have just plucked up the courage to right my own story...as I feel like i am going to have a nervous breakdown any day now.


I am a recently married woman but i have been having an A with a co worker for nearly 9 months now. It all started with some freindly chat in work then progressed into all day and night conversations on IM and phone. Eventally after about 2 months it progressed into a PA and has been ever since. I have spent nearly every day for the past 9 months talking to him either in work or on IM. We have an amazing attraction and the s*x is the best ive ever had...i cant get enough of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2007
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 8:54am
I am sorry you are depressed. The best I can tell you is to end your M for you not your AP. That puts a lot of pressure on someone. Try not to use your A as a replacement R. I know I was guilty of that when I left my H. I wanted Ap and I to have a real R and quickly. But I was trying to substitute. I was not used to being alone. In hindsight what I wished I had done was step back from the A, end my M, and if AP and I were meant to be we could have dated, after I had grieved over my M. Even though I wanted to leave, it still hurt. To try and deal with all the emotions and second guessing that comes with ending a M is hard enough. Throw a young R on top if that with all the insecurities, and more second guessing that goes with that can be too much. If you and your AP are going to make a go of it, he will understand. Not that you have to stop seeing him all together but let him know you need to sort your M out so you can give him and the R the poper effort. Please keep us updated and stick with the counselor, it will help in the long run.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Fri, 01-30-2009 - 9:14am

thank you so much :) I know in my head that is the most sensible thing to do but for some reason i just cant keep myself away from the AP. Being honest with myself i dont think i would ever have ended my M if i hadn't of met him as things weren't that bad with my H. I mean i knew no different. Ok i was always griping over him being lazy and dependent on me and having no s*x etc but i never did anything about it and probably would never have because we had a great lifestyle and got on well in general. We are great friends but i think that might be just

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 10:54am

maybe your husband wasn't happy with this relationship either. Sounds like you both need deeper and passionate relationships, perhaps husband wishes or is seeking it and you don't know it. You and your husband may not bring that out in EACH other. You started out 10 yrs ago and say you just recently married yet

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Sat, 01-31-2009 - 5:35pm

thank you so much lizzie ! your advice is just what i needed. I think I will try make one last attempt with my H and do what it takes to change things. I also have to try my hardest to end things with the AP. As much as I am attracted to my AP and want to spend time with him i am not 100% sure about leaving my H for him. You are right i have to leave my H for my own reaons not for my AP who i am having doubts about. It is not fair on my AP that i put all this pressure on nor is it fair on my H to be putting in efforts to change things if i am not committed. I suppose at least if it doesn't work out I can say I tried. I think you were right i am just worried about letting the AP and not meeting anyone else if i D my H. I just hope i can do this. I have tried so many times to end things with my AP :(


I will keep you updated x