how to take the next step?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
how to take the next step?
26
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 2:38pm

Hi ladies,


I wanted your opinion. I am a MW. There is a single man who has expressed his undying love for me. We have become the best of friends over 2yrs. I know he loves me but he respects me.


It has been bothering me for a long while because I believe I have fallen in love with him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 3:23pm

Hi there,

I understand how you feel. If he says that he doesn't want to go further out of respect for your marriage please take his word and leave it at that, it's not worth losing a great friendship over. Most A's turn out horribly and hurt a lot of people in the process. If I were you I would do a little introspection on the state of your M and if it's worth working on or not. My therapist always says it's better to be single than in a bad marriage.

hugs and good luck,

trix xo

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 5:25pm

Thankyou for your advice.


I am just not sure how to turn off my feelings for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 6:10pm
Well you know in all courts there are always two opinions and this is well an Affair Support board - so........ If I may.. any ideas - well I think you know the obvious - just tell him how you feel over the phone? practice telling him.... after you say out loud - you may feel different (while you practice of course)..... and then just tell him - and yes there is a risk - he may not appreciate how you feel - he may not want to set himself up - to fall in love with a married woman - oh and not all affairs ... I am not sure of the statistics as to what percentage of affairs turn out badly - but most I have seen turn out well..... though my therapist said we are all wired so differently........ so you can choose to turn off your feelings - or you can open the bottle up and express them - how beautiful is it to have your soul captured......
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 7:25pm

Hi trixie,


Don't always believe what your therapist tells you lol. Just kidding but studies show that married people live an average of 5-7 years longer than single people. Give me the misery and i'll take the extra 7 years of life.


As to taking control2009, maybe try writing a letter or email. If you are shy it may be easier than talking about it. But don't pursue anyhting unless you are truly unhappily married and willing to lose your spouse. Good luck and take baby steps


A

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Mon, 02-09-2009 - 7:43pm

Hi there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2009
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 10:59am

Hi,


I guess this is perhaps what I need to do. Rehearse and then say by phone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 11:17am
Simply tell him that you enjoy him...... and have warm feelings and that you would like to explore these feelings - slowly..... maybe that you want stick your toes in the water.... you can be a little direct.... but be honest... honesty is not needy..... honesty is telling someone that you care, like and love them......... most likely he knows this already
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 11:43am

I think the

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 5:37pm
Give him that nudge - i understand what you mean........ and know that it could turn out to be the most romantic - awesome - experience of your life......... sometimes its best to let passion over ride reason - be well my friend.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 5:42pm
but also keep in mind that it could turn out to be a disaster.....there could be a DDAY..and someone always gets thrown under the bus. Emotions ALWAYS get in the way and someone gets hurt.

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