Rollercoaster ride continues
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Rollercoaster ride continues
| Fri, 02-13-2009 - 7:24am |
Haven't been on here for awhile. Took a little hiatus trying to maintain an affair and a marriage..not an easy task. Quick recap: I'm a married woman involved with a married man off and on for a year now. Without going into all the past details, he left his marriage, again, because he is not happy and although he cares for his wife and it kills him to hurt her, he's not in love with her. The last few times he left her to be with me, we both did it impulsively, with no planning and we were together. That always ended with him going back because he couldn't handle the guilt trips and threats his wife and adult daughter would throw at him. The last time being back in August and when he went back, I told myself that was it...I'm done, I'm tired of him not having a backbone and standing up for how he feels and wants, so, although we work together, I did not speak to him nor did I even look at him for 3 months. The beginning of December, he left me a note wanting to talk and I had a lot of crap I wanted to get off my chest, so I did and he admitted to me that it killed him to have to see me everyday and not be able to talk to me, it killed him when I would walk right by him and not even acknowledge him, he said he was still so in love with me and was so miserable and unhappy at home...blah, blah, okay, forward to last Friday...he moved out, he even had the help and support of his father and aunt. I told him that this time, we were doing it MY way...I was not leaving anything in my life, my home, my marriage, until he proved to me by getting a divorce, that he wanted to be with me. I told him that his marriage had to be over before we could be together as a couple. He said it would be so hard to do it that way because he would miss me so bad at night and on the weekends, but he would to prove his love for me. That weekend was a rough one...he constantly texted me, wanted me to just come be with him, he would be there for me no matter what, he was not going to go back, his wife told his aunt that she knew it was over and didn't want him back....forward to Wednesday night...Wednesday we kind of argued because he was telling me that he talked to his daughter and was arguing with her about supposed "rumors" her mother was hearing about the two of us and in other words, was trying to dispell them and told his daughter that yeah, I was someone he liked and had strong feelings for and that somehow, struck a raw nerve with me..I told him, why would you say that if you were going to be honest about things? Why are you wanting them to think they are rumors and I'm just someone you LIKE?
He got upset and said that it's not something that was really his daughters business and he didn't feel like he had to go into detail about something that he should talk to about his wife in person ( she supposedly wouldn't answer his calls or talk to him) and I was twisting things around and getting upset over nothing....well, after work, he went to the bar with some friends and texted me a few times saying he loved me over and over again, then later that night, the texts stopped and he wouldn't answer mine. Yesterday morning, he texted me and said that his aunt way out in the western part of the state had died and he was headed out there for a few days. I asked if I could call him and he said he wasn't alone...I said, Oh, I figured that...are you two back together, and he said no, but she was going along and he would get together with me when he got back....and I haven't heard from him since...I'm an emotional wreck. My head is saying, you SOB, I knew you couldn't do it you lying bastard, but my heart is giving him the benefit of the doubt and I want so bad to text him and ask if he his doing alright and tell him I miss and love him.....wow...long vent...I have no one else to talk to about this, so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and respond...thanks.
He got upset and said that it's not something that was really his daughters business and he didn't feel like he had to go into detail about something that he should talk to about his wife in person ( she supposedly wouldn't answer his calls or talk to him) and I was twisting things around and getting upset over nothing....well, after work, he went to the bar with some friends and texted me a few times saying he loved me over and over again, then later that night, the texts stopped and he wouldn't answer mine. Yesterday morning, he texted me and said that his aunt way out in the western part of the state had died and he was headed out there for a few days. I asked if I could call him and he said he wasn't alone...I said, Oh, I figured that...are you two back together, and he said no, but she was going along and he would get together with me when he got back....and I haven't heard from him since...I'm an emotional wreck. My head is saying, you SOB, I knew you couldn't do it you lying bastard, but my heart is giving him the benefit of the doubt and I want so bad to text him and ask if he his doing alright and tell him I miss and love him.....wow...long vent...I have no one else to talk to about this, so I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and respond...thanks.

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i'm sorry, i don't mean to sound harsh or mean..but aren't you married? what about your relationship with your h? (just wondering because you didn't mention it) your post sounds one sided....i don't know though, i may have missed that you left your H..but i don't think i read that in there...if you are still with your h, you cannot expect him to completely leave his W...not fair...see the relationship started out with both of you having SOs, so that set the precedent for the relationship...or were you planning on and moving forward with divorcing or leaving your so? just trying to be objective here....
i was in an A, or still emotionally connected or whatever to XAP...so
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
but, gabby that's what i don't understand...???? confused because if you want to leave your husband than leave him..but, not for another man...do it because you want to leave...without anyone else involved....if you are no longer in love with him..why stay? you may only start to resent your H and end up leaving or living a miserable existence with him...AP isn't the source of your issues, your issues with H have nothing to do with your A, this is as far as i'm reading what you say...your issues with H are issues that are there because you no longer are in love with him...
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
i know that gut wrenching feeling...i just hope you feel better...i'm not married i'm single but, if i felt i were in a marriage where i wasn't satisfied i'd leave for myself...i wanna hug ya cause i know the hurt part...the emotional anguish...it's hard...but, you will get through
((HUGS)))
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss
Maybe I hopelessly optimistic, perhaps even delusional, but......
I can totally understand why he didn't go into details w/ his daughter over why he left. REGARDLESS, of how much he loves you, NOBODY, wants to look like a crumb to their kids regardless of how old they are. I don't think that if I were in that same situation I would have delved deep about my motives for leaving.
If he has so much guilt about leaving the W, why are you making him rub it in her face that you are the reason that he is leaving? Why not just let her think that he left on his own accord? Maybe if he does it that way, he will feel less guilt. One thing is for sure in my mind, and that's if you pressure him too much he WILL buckle in this tug of war that he is having w/ his conscious.
As far as the aunt dieing, and them going to the funeral together, I can see where they might go together since they have been together so long.Although if I were you, I'd be going ape sh*t too. On the other hand it does seem a bit suspicious considering his past buckling into going back w/ her. That's kind of a tough call. He sounds so damn fickle it's hard to say which way that one will go. I'm bothered by him not responding to your text messages. Why would he have to ignore them if they are separated? Again, no need to rub her face in it, but no need to ignore you either, that's just disrespectful to me.
I just wanted to add that I'm glad that you posted. I have thought of you often, and wondered how you were making out. Keep us posted as to what happens.
Justice
Gabby,
Allow me to interject if I can. I am in the NEARLY exact situation as you. I am a MM dating a MW. We have been together 10 months. We have great times together. We have talked about leaving our spouses but we both seem chicken. She claims she is "separated" but lives in house with hubby. We will see what happens. I am not leaving my M for her until she is divorced.
I love my wife but am not in love with her. We have not had much sex in 5 years. She is a good person. She is however prone to anger and abuse issues. Probabaly bi-polar. However, our day to day life is pretty good. We travel together, do things together and have many things in common. Things are as you said COMFORTABLE. So for those who say why don'y you just leave, easier said than done. Maybe because it's not bad enough to leave??
I feel the same as you and not sure why I would leave a decent marraige for an unknown. I don't expect this to go on forever. Let me know if you ever need to chat, I think we could learn from each other.
Amexdm
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