Do I have a right to feel betrayed?
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Do I have a right to feel betrayed?
| Fri, 02-13-2009 - 12:17pm |
Background: I have been having this A for many many years.
| Fri, 02-13-2009 - 12:17pm |
Background: I have been having this A for many many years.
Oh, irony of it all!
Can I relate to how you feel, yes.
First of all, there is too much blame on 'her'. If she is single...she can do whatever she wants with her life.
Second, how you feel about this relationship he has going on...is about him. Apparently he finds solace when he needs it despite who it is.
Kinda makes you feel like nothing special to him doesn't it? I doubt you are in this for that. So yeah, you feel betrayed but you have to understand that perhaps the betrayer isn't the person you have known him to be for many many years. THAT is probably the hardest thing to cope with...that you love someone who doesn't exist. What you think he is and what you think you have together...just may not be what it actually is to him. It might have been for you. Unfortunately it takes two to tango if you want to be dancing to the same music and doing the same dance.
I am not sure if you do love him, because you don't say, but it hurts you enough to seek out this board and ask about this...so I assume yes.
Remember, this woman is no better than you are, no worse. Just is. Common denominator? Him. That is where all the mindscrewing might lay. When we start labeling others, like his wife and this other woman, it is just a distraction to not seeing who we are being or scrutinizing the Affair Partner closer.
2cents (and can give change back if you wish),
Lizzie
Do you have a right to feel hurt? Yes. Do you have a right to feel angry? Sure. But do you have a right to feel betrayed? No, because he doesn't have a committment to you. I would guess that he does not view the relationship he has with you in the same light as you do. I would also guess that his feelings towards you are not quite what yours are towards him. I'm sure he does care about you. But it's a big leap from caring about someone to being in love with them or something similar.
The bottom line in your situation is he is still married, regardless of how he conducts himself. And he's married to a friend of yours. If my common sense and others' experiences you read about on these boards are right, I highly doubt that the two of you will ever have a relationship in real life. Maybe that's why you have had crappy relationships since leaving your husband. Perhaps there's a part of you that doesn't seriously want any other man because you have a small hope that he will be yours eventually. So your "picker" isn't quite sharpened at the moment.
For your sake, I hope you can just let this guy go. If not for yourself, then for your friend. She may have her issues, but he chooses to stay with her. And I'd be willing to bet that it isn't just because of the kids. You don't divorce your kids. You divorce th spouse. I hope you choose to end this.
Hi all.