V'Day and Jealousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2008
V'Day and Jealousy
9
Sat, 02-14-2009 - 9:45pm

Normally I don't give what AP and his W do or don't do with each other much thought. We are both M - I have always just assumed that he does whatever he needs to in order to maintain what ever level of normalcy he needs in his M as do I.


So the fact that I can't seem to get it out of my head what he maybe doing with her today is really kind of confusing. All day I've been thinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Sat, 02-14-2009 - 11:10pm
not to sound unfeeling, but you knew getting into this he's married with a another life besides you, and yes his wife does come first. yes i'm in an affair with a MM. am i jealous, no. i don't have the right to be. i did send him an email that aid happy valentines day, with a virtual rose. honestly i didn't expect a response, but he did tonight. he sent me an email back with a virtual rose, and happy valentines day. i can't expect more, he's M as m i. i did bring tears to my eyes. to me it's very special.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 12:14am

I'm with you jd,

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2008
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 5:10am

Im not a valentine person and i told him so , id prefer he showed me every day how he felt for me than Valentines. We are both married, Im in the process of trying to figure out wether to leave H (not for ap), so i was grateful my H was working on VD. As for ap it did cross my mind about him and his W but i got a suprise when he called me out of the blue and said that he sneaked out of house to do that so that he could hear the voice of who he knows he wants to and ought to be with. He told me that he never got a card for the first time and that he had asked W not to get him one. (W knows that he isnt happy - long story).


So his phone call made my day, he also kept in touch with me via messages all evening reassuring me of how much he was missing me. Told me he had invited friends round so to break the tension at home.


So not jealousy as such, but more of wishful thinking i suppose.


At the end of day as Tori said they are M, as are many of us. And their are many of things that they would do just to keep the normality of it all.


Take care


SS

"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


"be yourself, disguise not, for your a truly unique beautiful being"


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2008
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 8:40am

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 10:06am

I think Valentine's day is probably harder than any other holiday for people who are totally in an A and in the "chemical rush" phase of an A.

I think what is uncomfortable about it is that Valentine's day is the holiday of LOVE, and the fact that an AP celebrates it with his wife, and thinks about it ahead of time to buy the right things/do the right things, is an uncomfortable reminder that he most likely DOES love her. Hey there are PLENTY of guys out there that don't celebrate it at all - if your (universal "your" - not specifically yours jdgirl) guy DOES choose to celebrate it with his wife it says a lot. Yes there's the "keeping up of appearances" thing, but a guy could do very minimally (a card, a peck on the cheek) to keep up appearances. If he does more, it means something.

By the way, I read once years ago that PI's following people in suspected A's ALWAYS pick VD as a day to follow - if they are hired anywhere near that date. Some survey or other says that people in A's try to spend some part of VD with their AP's. So, yeah, AP's love their OW too. But it's uncomfortable to be reminded that maybe the marriage isn't as dead as he (or she) makes it out to be.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2008
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 10:27am

Yesterday was a little hard for me. I didn't hear from AP :(.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Sun, 02-15-2009 - 10:35am

LOL Lexione, I heard that Valentine's day is the busiest day for Private Investigators.

AP and I were lucky, we got to spend most of the day together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 1:14am

I am new here, but a lurker for 4 years or so. , so bear with me on this one.


Been seeing MM for 6 years, first 5 years, we either spent a little time together on VDay or atleast a phone call, e mail, and the first year a small givt (that I still use every day !).

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2009
Mon, 02-16-2009 - 12:49pm

Jd,


OMG, my AP drives me crazy with her talking about what I'm going to do with my wife. We are both M. I called her on VDay and we will see each other Thurs (LDA). But she OBSESSES about what I'm doing with my wife all the time. I know it's because she cares about me and that's ok. I don't care what she does with hubby (although theysleep separately as do we though) because I know she hates him. Wish she would just chill on the wife comments. It's gotten so bad that I joke about it.


Amexdm