ANONYMOUS LETTER - WIFE KNOWS

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
ANONYMOUS LETTER - WIFE KNOWS
18
Sat, 02-21-2009 - 6:20pm

In the past few weeks that AP has been trying to end it and I have been limping along with his decision, his wife received an anonymous letter at home giving her a heads-up that he is having an affair.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 8:47am

My AP's wife found out about us almost

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 12:11pm

Thanks for the offer to chat.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2009
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 4:35pm

Wow! Things are a little muddled aren't they? If it helps to know, I have been through all this. On these boards, people said that as soon as the wife finds out the MM will usually drop the AP like a hot potato. Now my MM did not do that to me, but before we got to where we are now, I went through listening to him saying he still loved her, that they still had sex, etc. Now call me weird for sticking around but it's all to do with a few things. One, i work with him too so no contact isn't as easy as it sounds. Two, over time it has become clear that their marriage isn't working and he isn't happy with her.


Now the problem I have and, by the sounds of it you have, is that the men seem to get their own way all too often. They do one thing, say another, suit themself basically. You have done exactly what i have done on numerous occasions and offered him a way out. It's way easier for me to say this now than it was a few years back but getting control is key. If he is worried about losing you and he should be the way he is treating you, give him something to be worried about. Try not to email or text. Back off slightly - if you feel you can coz I know people told me to do this and I just couldn't. If he sees a change in pattern though, trust me, he will worry and come running eventually.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 4:52pm




I am sorry for you both. I am trying very hard to get past the emotional grip that a long


standing, off and on, PA went NC went EA with a narcissist, as well. He can never admit


he is ever wrong and would easily throw me under the bus because it is all about him.


Knowing this about him does make it somewhat easier, however, he can't seem to keep


his big nose out of my life (tracking my activities and whereabouts). Dude, you are M.


You better put all of that energy into your M with someone who I would assume cares


to be stalked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 6:46pm

Thanks, jig13 -


Unfortunately, I think at this point he could care less ... the farther away I stay, the better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 7:05pm




Friends, my hiney...apparently he sleeps with all of his friends, huh? Really, you don't


need to be controlled

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2008
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 9:39pm

And you know what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 9:52pm

0 to nil.

Now what are the chances that ANY relationship he will have will work out, and that he will actually commit to someone in a grown up way?

0 to nil, again.

It sounds like he's in a stage of experimentation and trying out different relationships - a very adolescent sort of mind set really. He may never grow out of it.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 10:37pm




Lexi is right. How did your AP "drag" you into it? You don't have to answer, but my XAP


waits until he thinks a woman is at her most vulnerable, then sweeps in. He must truly


hate his mother or something and takes no responsibility for his actions and blames


the world for his woes that he creates. Then he can't figure out why he has no friends.


Gee, I wonder what the problem is? Sorry, I am not much help other than pointing out


what you already know.


Hi Lexi,


I used to post a long time ago when you were a

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Sun, 02-22-2009 - 10:47pm

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