update on meet up with XAP

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
update on meet up with XAP
6
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 8:16am

friday 2/20/09 as i suspected it was a genuine good time, he came over we talked a bit then

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 10:38am

Hey tygerzize!

I usually lurk now and post some and have followed your story.I dont understand why are you holding on to something which you accept that he said out of frustration? we all say things which we dont mean sometimes.Let it go and cherish what you have.Very often we believe that we will be able to find someone closer to our ex,if not better but its not always the case of ' big better deal', KWIM?
You mentioned earlier that you are not looking for M then whats the problem ? I mean,he does give you a lot and reading about him does indicate that he is genuine.

Dont get me wrong,but i guess in hindsight you want him to leave his M and since he is not,you are getting a bit bitter about it and indirectly 'punishing' ( lack of better word)him for what he said out of frustration.He has a family to take care of as well , many issues must have got together.something to chew over.

" i realize that i love him madly and deeply and am so in love with him all the while being very ready to move forward " again, i dont get how thats possible ??

you go out together,family / friends /son know about you guys, he makes you happy,spends time /money with you, not to sound mean,but what else do you want? maybe you need to bring your expectations down.Or maybe you yourself are missing the part of meeting other guys? I am just trying to help you through your transition and want good for you.

((( hugs )))

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 11:46am

nah it's not the meeting other guys...i meet them..go out with them..but in reality none compare..you are very right he has a family to take care of and that's on him not me....... and no i don't want marriage but does that mean i don't deserve, in time, someone to myself....? feel me...i am moving on but he's allowed to be around if he wants......not punishing him.what he said were his words not mine...we do say things out of frustration but he admitted he knew saying it would hurt me..and he was frustrated with me at the time so he said it...okay, well now you gotta live with the hurtful things you said....he's big on..we shouldn't say things we don't mean..or out of anger because you cannot take them back..well he's right....i do forgive him but will never forget it..they ring loud and clear in my head...i guess it just is with us.....i'm just at this point trying to have realistic expectations....we both wanted to see one another and we did..he wanted to call sat and sun so he called..i answered...he wanted to come over sunday but didn't think he could, i said okay, whatever you wanna do..or can do...i don't have any expectations of him but to be considerate of me..he didn't show that when i ended things and he said what he said so now our relationship stand where it does...he's also expressed his feelings on how things have changed with us..and how it feels different to him..well why should it be the same? told him he made me realize, by him telling me to date other people, that i do deserve to be with someone single if they can measure up to what i feel i need and deserve in life....maybe it's my time to be selfish...? not sure...but i'm trying to take control and move forward..if he wants to come with fine, we can still deal, if he doesn't then i'll just deal with that....but i don't think he should have any say on who i date, if i'm dating, and what he feels about it....not his place...esp. since he said what he did....still love him deeply and dearly...because you love someone doesn't mean that you bounce back from feeling hurt by them right away, doesn't mean you don't move forward with or to someone else and it sure as heck doesn't mean i am not gonna remember always the things he said that dreadful day i ended things with him....


i know you are trying to help me funky...i understand.and i give you a ((hug)) because you have given me lots and lots of insight into the situation/relationship....


tyger

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 2:30pm

Hi Tyger, I think it is hard for me to understand your situation because you are single and he is M.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 02-23-2009 - 2:36pm

oh star..you are so right..i think exactly the same way you do...i am going with the flow for right now..you get me...maybe someone else out there will grab my heart as he has.....and i say as he has because HE'S MARRIED so although he grabbed my heart, i know i can't have him like i should be able to and knew that from the beginning...all the while dealing with it through ups and downs...i only broke things off because he said what he did to me and it hurt me beyond anyone's imagination.....i know it's hard for you to understand because i am s but, it's easy...we met at work, decided to be buds, then went out for dinner a couple of times, and lunch, decided to do drinks at a club...danced..talked about our lives and important things and then fell in love..i did have a BF at the beginning of our R, but he was no good for me...in a rock band and sleeping with groupies...i decided to let him go and just chill out...but me and XAP started to get

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2009
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 2:22pm

Tyger, what I meant when I said it must be harder for you is that you are single and available, your AP or XAP isn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Tue, 02-24-2009 - 4:10pm
it's cool..he's XAP and he and i are cool....i am just trying to back up with him the best way i can..you know what i mean...like not be so emotionally invested and involved with him....that's best for me and to eventually eliminate him from my life...not my DS but, my life...and yes it's extremely difficult for me to deal with star...by no means has it been easy and it probably will never be even after i completely release my feelings from him..i'll still think back and have memories..but i have to be able to get out of this at my pace..not because someone says what you're doing is wrong, or you should be out of this...or because people tell me he'll never be able to be with you like you want him too..etc etc etc.....i'm doing it for my sake..moving forward like i said with or without him...can't worry about what he's doing....and if we remove ourselves from one another and there's ever a time and place for us again then there is but, it will be on my NEW terms.....and that would be TO NEVER EVER BE IN THIS TYPE OF SITUATION AGAIN...i never had before and wont again

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss