new here my story

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2009
new here my story
7
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 10:55am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 11:03am

i think today is a harsh advice day for me...since you feel so strongly

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2009
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 11:16am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 11:27am
well then maybe you need to let him go and see if you can handle being without him...i don't think you'llbe able to handle it..two reasons...too much time with the two of you, and you are already jealous...lol...but do it to see if you can handle it..then if you cant..you know what you gotta do....that would be doing what's necessary to keep him in your life even if you don't plan to leave your husband.....if you truly love him, then there will have to be some sacrifices made, ones that wont hurt your family and those others close to you...seems like you want him in your life but don't know what to do because you know there's the possibility that he'll be with someone else..and that is a possibility and he would deserve to be with someone else...if you cant do whats necessary to be with him, you very well may need to take the backseat to another woman...decide if you'd be to devastatingly hurt by it...if so do what you gotta do..if not ...let him go

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2009
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 11:50am
I am on the other side of the situation. I am the one that's single. So I just want to say that I admire that you care enough about him to recognize that he can't sit and wait on you all of the time. That must be really hard. Reading your post makes me realize how
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 1:55pm

Looking from outside without being emotional about the situation, i would say,leave this guy.Yeah.Your AP IS making you feel jealous.period.Else, he wouldnt have mentioned the club meeting ( who knows if he even went there!! ,just tried to push your buttons!).

You dont mention kids on your or his side.they are usually a reason to stay M ,even in a bad/abusive M.

If he loves you as he claims,he would be more understanding and sensitive towards your situation rather than coming on strong like this.you are not ready to leave now,period.Its an issue whose decision cant be taken just because your AP is single and seeking out other women.Is he so desparate that after D he immediately wants to marry again?ugh.Sorry.

(( hugs ))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2009
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 2:48pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 3:13pm

Truthfully, if the two of you can never to be together in any "real" way then you must let him go. If you love him you will let him go. As long as you stay involved, he will always hold onto the "hope" that you will end up together, even though in his heart, he knows you won't. It's not fair to either of you or your M. Accept that you have made a choice to stay in your M and focus on that instead. Let him be free to find someone who can love him and give him a relationship he truely deserves. Your attraction to this man is purely an addiction and if you are to be fully present in your M, you have to break it. It will hurt like he** at first, but once the fog clears you will see it for the addiction that it really is. Use the lesson in it to improve your M and create the spark you are missing with your H. You can get it back if you really want to.

Good luck to you.