Interesting article on A's
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Interesting article on A's
| Wed, 03-04-2009 - 6:17am |
Hi All,
It's been AGES since I was on these boards, but when I saw this article I immediately thought of you guys. Let me know what you think:
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/infidelity/oh-come-all-ye-unfaithful-936120.html
Sham

thanks for sharing. i WILL read that and let you know what i think.
Mrs.
Hey Shambolic!
i read it. Great insights into the motivations, the phases, the feelings.
i could say more but ... it deserves a second read. and a bookmark. and a dispassionate sociological examination of why our culture refuses to acknowledge that some clandestine attractions have a purpose that is more than selfishness and lust. i already know why but it's worth exploring more than a knee-jerk reaction to the concept.
i think of Charles and Camilla. very public, very disasterous, not pretty, not young, but constant.
Mrs.
Hey secret,
Update. Well, things haven't gone exactly as planned, but when do they ever?
Summer last year my exSO moved out after a very long, drawn out and painful break-up. It was absolute hell, and I felt about 100 times worse than I was expecting.
The plan was for AP and I to take it slow, date exclusively and come out as proper couple around 6 months later. However, in my weakened emotional state, I somehow let AP move in with me two months after exSO left. This was NOT meant to happen. I know, it's ridiculous - how can someone move in without you agreeing to it? Here's how. His rental contract ran out, and he wanted to stay with me 'for a week or so...while I look for a new place'. Well, you can guess the rest. 8 months on he's still living with me. It was WAY too soon, and I've really struggled because what I needed most of all was some space to breath. Cue resentment, claustrophobia, and diminishing feelings.
Other issues. I'm still seeing a lot of my exSO. We're getting on brilliantly, and although I'm not having a A with him, we've had a few cuddles, and the implication is that we'll get back together. We haven't actually talked about it - I think we're both too scared to bring it up.
exSO doesn't know about AP - telling him would put an end to our friendship. I also haven't told my family and most of my friends about AP, so still feels as though we're having an affair. Of course I could just tell everyone, but I'm really not sure if the R will last, so what's the point in upsetting everyone for nothing?
AP has been amazing throughout it all - hardly complaining about the secrecy at all. But deep down, I think he knows that it's not working for me, and he doesn't want to make fuss and force the issue. He's absolutely devoted, and I think he'd put up with any amount of cr*p just to be with me.
Worst of it is, I genuinely don't know if I want my ex back, or whether to throw myself into it with AP and try and make it work. I was SO in love with AP - I'd love to get that back, but I'm not sure if it's possible now.
So, there you go. Things are messier than ever. I think that's why I found the article so interesting - the bit about A's being unrealistic relationships. Day-to-day life with someone is very very different from the snatched exciting moments of an A.
How's things with you?
Edited 3/5/2009 12:37 pm ET by shambolic
Got a chuckle out of AP moving in on you like that...I actually had the same thing happen with XH2 a few months after we got together, and we all know how that turned out...