He's like a drug
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He's like a drug
| Sun, 10-25-2009 - 11:31am |
I'm married. Recently, the guy I've had a thing for moved out of his house at his wife's request. She's done, she says. They've been separated for a month. They are divorcing. I think I'm in love with him.
I made out with him last night and I feel like I'm having withdrawls. We have not had IC, but I see it going there. I feel like it's too late for me to stop this. I feel sick. I can't eat, I can barely sleep, my stomach is all cramped up and I'm feeling like a freak. Why is this happening to me?

I don't know why its happening to you but the same thing happened and is happening to me. Last June, one of my high school boyfriends found me on Facebook. After one phone conversation, I felt sick with fever, my face felt flushed, I lost my appetite. I lost 15 pounds without trying. When I don't see him for a few days or he doesn't call when I think he should, I go into a terrible depression. When he calls or I see him, I can feel the endorphins rush through my body. There is definitely something chemical or biological about it. At first it felt good but now its wearing me out. I'm not using this as an excuse. There are some real issues I have to deal with it. I am going to start counseling and also try to get a prescription for antidepressants. I don't know if its hormonal or not( I am in my early 40's) I just know I need help.
I think in a way A's are like a drug. I tend to think heroin. Very addicting. Being with AP or talking to them a lot thru the day is the high but when it slows down its like having withdrawals. You don't care about anyone else...just want the chance to be with AP.
If you have got to the point of being comfortable enough to make out with him..the next step of IC will come easier to you. Then there is no looking back. You just really have to decide if you can handle it all. Its not like a regular relationship...having an A means that communication isn't always easy. Does his W know about you?
His wife only thinks we're friends. I'm friends with her, too and we talk on a weekly basis. I don't ever divulge any information to him that she tells me about their problems, etc. But, I talked to her today and she sounds wishy washy. She might want him back. If that's the case, I don't think I can continue with this. I feel sick about it, but I can't keep it going with her involved too. It's nearly too much for me with me and my H and the OM.
It feels like a major withdrawl - I couldn't talk to him all day yesterday and I was a wreck all day. My stomach was upset and I couldn't eat. My H thought I had a hang over.
How did we all get there?