He ended it just like that...I'm sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
He ended it just like that...I'm sad
14
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 3:21pm

So, I knew how this would ultimately go. But, it is very heartbreaking when it happens. I didn't expect it so soon.


Yesterday AP and I had our first "real" encounter. We did everything but IC. In the past it was kissing and fondling, mostly on top of clothes. Yesterday it was nearly IC. Well, here's the thing, he and my H are friends, I'm friends with his ex and he feels guilty. He said he can't do this anymore - he feels too bad.


I have feelings for him. He has only "in the pants" feelings for me...that's clear. When I got off the phone I was sad and cried for the whole day up until now. I am so sad. I also feel like I've lost my friend in many ways, too. I think he might be too uncomfortable for us to go back to the way it was. I can't believe he ended it just like that. I read about the pull away relationships on here and it was about an hour later when I got his call.


Ugh! I feel sick.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 4:38pm

I'm so sorry. I know you are upset right now. I wish I had the words to make the pain go away. Just remember you are not alone and we're here to support you.


Hugs hugs hugs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2003
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 4:46pm

I'm so sorry confused,

As hard as it may seem right now, I think it's probably for the best. It's just such a hard life to have, living two of them and all.
Try to consider yourself as gotten off lightly, and try and reconnect with your H.

Also, just to warn you. From my experience, and from everything that I've read here...this is not the last you'll hear from him. That's all I'm going to say.

My AP/BF was a "friend" of my H as well. It didn't stop him from pursuing me, or continuing in the R after the s**t hit the fan, when I had my D-day and my stbxh freaked out on him in the bar. It's now been just over two years!! 'Cause he couldn't let go.

I gave up EVERYTHING...my advice...let it go. Ignore him if/when he tries again...just let it go.

benska

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 11:36pm

Benska,


Are you and AP/BF still together? You said you gave up everything....was it worth it? Don't mean to get too personal, just wondering how these things turn out...


PM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Tue, 10-27-2009 - 11:41pm
I'm sorry...that's gotta be rough. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I think this is my biggest fear. At least it didn't got on too long. It's really dangerous to have an A with your H's friend. Maybe its for the best. I know that doesn't make you feel any better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 8:07am
I know it's for the best. I'm just such a mess. I really have feelings for him and have for about 5 years. We've known each other a long time. I understand that he feels bad. It makes me feel bad that I don't feel as bad about my H. I'm just in a rut. It could have gone on for months and then if he ended it, I would have been crushed, so I guess it's best that it happens now and not later. I could have fallen in love with him...that would have been so much worse.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 10:27am
I would feel sick too, losing a long time friend like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 1:09pm
Well, he still is my H's friend...whether he's still my friend is yet to be seen.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2006
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 1:34pm

Confused


You said "I think he might be too uncomfortable for us to go back to the way it was."


That is what

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
Wed, 10-28-2009 - 3:21pm
I completely agree!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2009
Thu, 10-29-2009 - 8:49am

Yes, that does suck something awful. It probably is the worst part. But, another bad thing is that I feel like I have very strong feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way about me. It stirs up all kinds of insecurities. I hate feeling so vulnerable. I can't stand to think about him all day every day when I know he is not thinking about me that way. If he was, he would have contacted me again by now. No, it was only a cheap thrill for him and I was fooling myself to ever think otherwise. It was right in front of my face and I'm such an idiot that I chose to ignore it completely out of some ridiculous dream that he would tell me he feels the same about me. I hate myself for that.


You know, I talked to his ex yesterday and she said that he came over the very same day of our incident and he was all over her. He's trying to win her back. She's not having it so far, but I see her caving eventually. Yeah, when she told me that, I thought my heart was being ripped out. I felt real pain right in the center of my chest. I don't know how I'm going to get over this. I hate it!!!

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