Living in Fear

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
Living in Fear
9
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 11:06am

I've been here before, am back again and a day shy of possibly making the biggest mistake of my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
In reply to: kinok
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 12:16pm

It isn't too late to admit to your H that you have decided that the divorce is not what you want. The OM sounds dangerous and has shown you what a R with him would be like. I believe you would be miserable and the R would be doomed to failure with much heartache on your part. I also believe that you need to put a restraining order on the OM to protect yourself and your family. I hope this turns out well for you but you need to be vigilant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
In reply to: kinok
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 1:29pm

While I truly appreciate you responding I still don't know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2009
In reply to: kinok
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 2:33pm
Tough situation! You are living a life of manipulation. Do you think things are going to get better after you divorce your husband? Do you even want your kids around this man(AP)? I know how it feels to be backed in a corner and it isn't easy at all. Trust me..been there done that! Only you can decide what you truly want. It isn't easy losing everything and not being able to take care of your kids. I just hope things dont turn out really bad for you...your AP sounds like a nightmare!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: kinok
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 4:19pm

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
In reply to: kinok
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 4:45pm

Kinok -


I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2009
In reply to: kinok
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 5:06pm

I agree completely You do NOT need to D your H, but rather go to counseling, live apart for a while and drop the AP. If you need to get a restraining order than do so. Many times threats are simply threats to manipulate you to do what they want you to do, but whether or not they would actually do those things is questionable. Take your power back, change your number, don't let AP know where you are living. You said that you could lose your job...does AP work with you? You will most likely at some point have to tell H about the A, but now isn't the time. You will want to start counseling and begin dating H again, but do be cautious and aware of where XAP is b/c you want to be the first to tell H. Make sure H knows that the D was b/c you two had grown apart, but now after the weekend, you really feel like, there may still be something there so you want to take it one day at a time. If your gut is telling you NO NO NO, then DON'T go through with the D no matter what.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
In reply to: kinok
Wed, 11-11-2009 - 9:37pm

Lynn (tgrbabe) is very smart and I absolutely agree 110% with her post!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2009
In reply to: kinok
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 12:30pm

Haven't read the replies yet but the first thing that glares out at me is that you cannot stay with your H unless you are willing to confess the A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2008
In reply to: kinok
Thu, 11-12-2009 - 1:39pm

Well today was the day . .