newbie back - thanks for replies ....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
newbie back - thanks for replies ....
9
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 11:43am

Hi It's flylady48 again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 1:27pm

Hi Flylady,

Aren't you afraid that you will fall in love with him?
That you will get attached to him?

htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
Thu, 11-19-2009 - 4:43pm

Hi there,


Of course I'm afraid that I will fall madly in love which is why I posted my plea for help to begin with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 5:48am

Hi Flylady,

All I can say is, that I don't want you to get hurt.
Physically you will not get hurt, you might get some pleasure, but once you bond with him emotionally (and most women become emotionally attached to a man after having sex with him), it is going to break your heart. I don't want you to feel such pain :(

hugs
htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
Fri, 11-20-2009 - 10:22pm

Thanks, htgo.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 5:25am

Hi Flylady,

I just wrote you a post but all of a sudden my computer started acting weird and all got lost :( But well, I'll just try to write it again.

I have been married for 8 years now, not as long as you ;)
But never once in those 8 years did I have good sex with H. No, he never even gave me pleasure.

And then xAP came along and he admired me, he paid attention to me, he talked to me, he flirted with me and it made me feel so good. And then, after a while we ended up in an A. I had fallen in love with him long before the PA began. The sex with xAP was wonderful, the best sex ever.
But each and every time, after sex, he would have to leave me to go back to his wife, back to his children.

And you know what, that's the part that's going to break you up in the end. It hurts so much to be so intimate with a person one moment, and then to have to see him leave the next.

If I could turn back time, I would never have gotten involved with him. I should have run away, as far away from him as possible.
My advice for you is: "run while you still can". It's not worth it.
It will be fun on the short term (the hour or hours when you have sex) but in the long term... it is going to hurt terribly.

An A cannot be controlled. You cannot stop yourself from getting attached to a man. I don't wish anyone the pain I have been going through (and am still going through). All because of an A with no future. It's just not worth it.

I truly wish I could do it all over. I totally understand why you are thinking about it, I do. So no judgment on my part, just my humble opinion :)

Love,
Htgo

p.s. I think once you have sex with an AP, in time he will lose interest in you and he will contact you less and less and less, while you have become attached to him more and more and more.
No matter how good of a friendship the two of you have, I don't want you to become his booty call :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 5:38pm

Hi again htgo,


Thanks for sharing your painful story about your A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Sun, 11-22-2009 - 9:49am

Hi Flylady,

Yes in the beginning of the A we talked about our expectations.
In the first week xAP screamed in a hysterical voice: "I would leave my wife tonight if you would ask me to!"
But quite soon, he said he would never leave her. He would always stay married to her. And I agreed. Because we both have children and obviously it would never be possible to leave the spouses and start a 'new' life together somewhere else.
And besides that, I never wanted him to leave her. I knew that he would always compare me to her and well, no thank you for that.

So no I never had the expectation either that he would get a divorce.

But you fall in love with the person, and your expectations of him will become higher and higher. And that doesn't have to mean 'divorce' but the expectations can come in many different ways.

I just hope you will not have to go through the roller coaster that I am still in (he lives very nearby). All I can do, is tell you that you can get hurt and of course then it's all up to you :)

Big hug,
Htgo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2009
Wed, 11-25-2009 - 3:05pm

Hi Htgo, first of all , Have a happy thanksgiving.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
Thu, 11-26-2009 - 4:29am

Hey Flylady, I wish you a wonderful Thanksgiving too.
I can understand why you crave someone else's touch :(
It can hurt so much!!!! Does your H never touch you?
I wish you ALL the best and I hope you will make the right
decision for yourself

Big hug
htgo